Body Language Secrets

We call them secrets because so few people seem to appreciate how important they are to body language. Each of the ten “secrets” listed below deserves a whole section but hopefully this page will provide a basic introduction.

1. Mirroring
This is the technique of consciously using your body language to mirror the subconscious movements and gestures of others - in a way that is subtle and unnoticed at their conscious level. This body language can include gestures, vocal tones, breathing rate, posture, attentiveness and even facial-expressions. It is important that you do not “copy cat” their motions as this will quickly become noticeable. The trick is to use similar body language postures or gestures approximately ten seconds after they have. It is harder to do than it sounds and requires practice to appear casual and natural. Mirroring is an important secret because it occurs naturally when people are building a positive rapport and by deliberately doing it you can send an encouraging message that strengthens the developing relationship.

According to NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) experts, this technique will build trust and liking in the person with whom you are communicating. You can apparently measure the success of your mirroring if, after a while, you introduce gestures that the other person hasn’t used and then they start to subconsciously copy you. It is at this point you can express your own desires and intentions with the greatest likelihood of the other person being agreeable. Both conscious and subconscious mirroring is most often seen in romantic and business situations where the relationship that is being established is fundamental to the success of the endeavour.

(Aquiziam footnote: We decided to test this technique to see if it really worked. We used it in several social situations and deliberately mirrored the actions of people we had just met. In all cases the communication flowed easily and a positive rapport was established. In an equal number of instances we deliberately, but with subtlety, tried to use posture and gestures that were the opposite of those that our test subjects had just used. In all cases the communication was uncomfortable and in four out of five cases the person with whom we were communicating left as soon as they could do so. We realise that our own autosuggestion may have influenced the outcome of the test but it was interesting and seemed to indicate that mirroring does have a definite effect.)

2. Body Form
The shape and condition of your body sends a message whether you want it to or not. It has become so socially and politically “incorrect” to comment or judge people based on their body form that this aspect of non-verbal communication is often ignored in explanations and teaching - but not in reality.

The secret is this: Humans do consciously and subconsciously judge others in this way. Pretending that they don’t won’t make it go away. If you see a very fat person then it is often (but not always) fair to assume that the person probably eats too much and exercises too little. Sometimes these people are very adept at deceiving themselves and others. At some time we’ve all probably heard someone say, “I eat like a bird but the pounds just pile on!” Actually, the truth is that in most cases they do eat like birds – like vultures. What they actually mean is, “I eat like a little bird when other people are watching but on my own I’m happy to eat six pizzas and a whole cake just for lunch.”

Doctors will often admit that they would rather trust what they see in a physical examination rather than what patients tell them. Someone who has well formed muscles and a fit physique probably has self-discipline. Someone who has broad shoulders and a narrow waist is likely to be more confident. Fat people are often physically lazy. Taller people are less likely to exhibit frustration. Of course there are also a lot of myths. There is no evidence that redheads are likely to be more temperamental or that men with heavy eyebrows are untrustworthy. Even so, we still judge people by the way they look. Sometimes the messages change over time. It is true that being overweight did once represent success and wealth when food was scarce and expensive. It is also true that many high-level (successful) company executives do still tend to be overweight. (It’s these damned business lunches!) However, fit and trim is now becoming a greater symbol of success.

3. Personal Body Language / Mood Tells
Some body language is very specific to an individual rather than a group or society. It’s trait that people develop as a response to how they are feeling that has little resemblance to general behaviour. For example; most people are likely to touch their lips or nose when they tell a lie. In the case of a particular boy he would always push his right hand into his back pocket. (Perhaps to stop himself from touching his face?) Once you work out what the body movement means it can become very useful when reading that specific person’s body language. These are often called “Personal Tells”. Almost everyone has them and in most cases we are completely ignorant of their existence as they apply to us personally.

A certain company Chief Executive would always start scratching the tip of his nose if he was irritated by what people were telling him.

A particular woman we know always starts making little sniffing noises if she doesn’t like the food she’s been served in a restaurant.

Perhaps the most unusual example was the case of girl we knew at university. Her boyfriend noticed that whenever she became sexually aroused she would start stroking her left earlobe with the thumb and forefinger of her left hand. Apparently she once said to him: “It’s amazing how you always know when I’m feeling turned-on.” In poker, professionals often study the other players to see if they have personal body language that can be used to “tell” whether they’re holding good or bad cards.

4. Environment and Body Language
Environment has a measurable impact on body language and the way that it is displayed and observed. Dilated pupils are often associated with arousal. However, pupils also dilate when it is dark. It is for this reason that candlelight has become associated with romance. In a study of theatre audiences it was found that actors performed better if the theatre seating was comfortable for the audience. The reason for this was that if the seating was uncomfortable the audience tended to fidget and sit awkwardly. Some even sat in a hostile way with their arms folded. The stage actors could see this negative body language and it impacted on their confidence. Even though the negative body language was irritation with the seating it still had an influence on the rest of the audience and the actors even though it wasn’t aimed at them.

The fact is that people react to their environments by displaying responsive body language. People cross their arms when they are defensive but they also cross them when they are cold. The landlords of pubs and bars know that their guests like to feel comfortable when they go out for a drink. They don’t want to see everyone standing around with their arms crossed. For this reason owners make sure that their bars are “warm and inviting”.

5. Face Maps
Whenever we smile, frown or use some other facial expression the skin on our face moves and compresses into lines (creases). In young people the high elasticity of the skin means that the when the expression changes the lines disappear. However as people get older, and the skin becomes less elastic, wrinkles form and very often these wrinkles are indicators of the facial expressions that a person has used most often. Therefore a woman with vertical mouth creases is likely to have spent a great deal of her life pursing her lips – an expression usually associated with disapproval. A Man with deep wrinkles in his forehead caused by frowning may have spent much of his life worrying. There are literally dozens of wrinkles that can be interpreted by the competent face map reader.

A much guarded secret of fortune tellers is that they can often predict your future – not by looking into a crystal ball – but by looking at the wrinkles on your face. These lines can tell a great deal about your personality and state-of-mind. Thus a person with very distinctive laughter lines around the eyes could be told: “you’ve been happy most of your life and will continue to be.” Reading the lines on a person’s face is difficult as it takes a lot of practice and there is very little written reference material on this subject. We will provide some detailed pages when we’ve done enough research. Still, some of the basics are just commonsense. See the pictures below.





Vertical lip lines - Disaproval (or Smoking)

Classic T-shaped frown lines - Hostillity

Crows feet - Laughter / Smiling


6. Brand Language
Big business has spent literally billions of dollars over the past decades to convince people to buy their products. In many cases they do this by creating brands with which people want to be associated. These brands are said to have values. For a long time Coca-Cola presented its values as “fun and family” while at the same time “Pepsi” was presenting its values as “daring and exciting”. Although people claimed that they chose their preferred cola drink based on flavour, most people were buying based on habit or brand value. The result: American kids bought Pepsi but American moms bought Coca-Cola.

Almost all major high-street brands have values and our choice about which products we buy can be used to better understand our personalities. People who buy Jimmy Choo shoes do so because they are good shoes … but they also choose them over other brands of good shoes because by wearing them they can make a personal statement to others that understand the “shoe fashion code”. The same is true of watches, jewellery, vacuum cleaners, cigarettes, clothes, handbags, pens and very definitely cars. For example; station wagons (estates) are believed to be chosen by practical people – sports cars by the adventurous. There’s a very detailed pseudo-science to this but at a day-to-day level we all make conscious and subconscious decisions about people based on this buying behaviour (and subsequent display of brands) as a source of information input.

7. The Magic of Cloning

Looking like someone famous can have its advantages and at the very least it ensures that you are noticed. When Joanna Lumley played the part of Purdey in the hit 1970’s TV series “The New Avengers” she had a distinctive hairstyle that people of the time had not seen before. It was quickly dubbed the “Purdey Bob” and within weeks’ women all over Britain were having their hair cut in the same style. Princess Diana also had a distinctive hair style that the public loved and it too was a “hit” with women. The truth is that looking like someone famous seems to pass-on some of their celebrity status. It also means that people seem to attribute some of the “talents” that the star might have – either as a character or as a person – to the look-a-like.

In the context of body language it is possible to be perceived in a certain way by resembling a famous character. Over the years many thousands of men have tried to copy the distinctive and sexy Scottish accent of Sean Connery and women have desperately died their hair blonde and straightened it to look like Jenifer Aniston. In fact, at one time – around about 2004 – a man could go to a Manhattan nightclub on any night of the week and be forgiven for thinking that the world had been taken over by aliens who were rapidly turning every female on the planet into a clone of Ms. Aniston.

Here’s the secret … If you wish to be perceived in a certain way then choose a famous personality with the characteristics you desire and find a way to look like them. Try and be realistic. If they’re tall and blond and you’re short and dark you need to find another person to clone. It’s weird and it seems a bit magical but it works. (Try and avoid plastic surgery!)





Stereotyping - The Doctor (Actor)
Stereotyping - The Astronaut (Real)
Commander: Robert Crippen - NASA
Stereotyping - The Fireman (Actor)


8. Selective Stereotyping
There are two parts to this – what to do and what to watch out for. Selective Stereotyping is the typical way most humans react to people that simply look-the-part. For example, you see a man in a white laboratory coat wearing glasses with a stethoscope tucked into his pocket. You automatically think he’s a doctor – somebody you can trust. But what if he isn’t? We tested this aspect of body language.

In November of 2008 one of the team borrowed a white coat and stethoscope and bought a pair of cheap prescription glasses. He then walked into a major public hospital holding a briefcase in one hand and a clipboard of papers in another. No one stopped him. The security guard even smiled and said, “Good evening sir.” Nobody even glanced at his ID card that was clipped to the jacket. If they had they would have discovered that the man was a member of a well known gym. They didn’t check because he looked the part.

Stereotypes are powerful! Firemen, police officers, security guards, doctors, soldiers, corporate executives, teachers, scientists, pilots, nurses, desperate housewives, prostitutes and street bums are just a few examples of people that have stereotypical appearances. Most people will react to you based on the way you appear. The same guy that played the doctor later dressed up like a bum and tried to get into a popular restaurant in London. Naturally, they turned him away. It was the same guy but just a different stereotype.

As humans it is natural for us to believe in the stereotype even though it is clear that this is just the effect of cultural training. Here is a warning. A white coat doesn’t always mean doctor. A short skirt and torn stockings doesn’t always mean prostitute. Here’s the secret: People will react to you based on the stereotype that you present. If you want to be perceived in a certain way then be prepared to play the part. In reality, everyone is an actor to some degree.

9. Body Signs
Bags under your eyes, purple nails, moles, hair condition, skin colour, baldness, dermatitis, acne, favouring, and skin tone are all body signs. These things are the signs that tell doctors, and everybody else, about our general physical condition.

The secret is that this is body language at its most basic and, as such, often overlooked. All of these “indicators” are telling other people about us. A pallid skin colour may mean too much time indoors. (Writing for Aquiziam) Purple toes or finger nails may indicate poor circulation. Favouring one leg over the other or limping may indicate bone disease or injury. Bags under the eyes may mean lack of sleep. Gout may well indicate excessive alcohol consumption. Our bodies are advertisements to our lifestyles and our health. At a conscious and subconscious level they are noted by other people. It is therefore human nature to try and hide them. Makeup hides acne, Botox hides skin aging and cucumber pads will even temporarily shrink bags under the eyes. It is important not to jump to conclusions but it is equally important to pay attention to yourself and others.

It is possible to learn a great deal about a person by simply observing the signs in an objective way. Here is a good example. After years of working in a very stressful environment employees of a senior vice president noticed that whenever he became angry the pupil of one eye would grow large (dilate) and the other would stay small (contracted). Over time he seemed to become increasingly irrational in his decision making. Finally some brave person mentioned the “eye thing” to him and he had it checked out. The doctors found a brain tumour. He’s fine now … thanks to the way that his body advertised that it had a problem. We’ve used medical examples but it applies to many other areas as well. The trick is to look beyond the obvious and what we are used to seeing. With practice it is possible to see what others can’t. (Please note, this is not medical advice. If anything that you have read (or seen) has caused you concern then please consult a fully qualified medical practitioner.)





Bags Under The Eyes
(Lack of Sleep / Smoking / Genetic)

Pink / Purple Nails
(Diabetes / Cardiovascular)

Poor Skin Tone
(Age / Alcohol / Rapid Weight Loss)


10. Contagious Body Language

Studies done on the “mirroring effect” have clearly shown that people will often subconsciously duplicate the body language of others in a one-to-one interaction. However a similar effect occurs in groups. If you are in a crowd where lots of people are laughing then you are much more likely to laugh too. If you go into a room where people are standing with their arms folded in a hostile way then you may feel defensive and cross your arms as well. The secret is that the more a group displays a certain type of body language the more likely it is that they will reinforce each other’s perceptions and physical behaviour. This is a critical component of communication with very practical applications. For example: If you wish to enjoy an evening of romance you are more likely to be successful in a place where other people are also displaying courtship behaviour. This is because their body language is contagious. To see the proof of this just visualise sports matches, parties, riots, nightclubs and protest marches. The most obvious example is clapping – one person starts it and then suddenly you’re clapping too. The more people that clap the more likely it is that you will join in.

Dealing with a Moody Co-Worker

Step 1:
Act friendly regardless of her mood. Even if you nearly get your head bitten off, putting your best foot forward can never come back to haunt you. Other co-workers will take notice and you won't run the risk of becoming known as the rigid snob at the office.

Step 2:
Remind yourself that your co-worker's mood more than likely has nothing to do with you. If the person at work is especially moody, do your best to stay out of the line of fire until he has had time to calm down. The problem might be less severe if you wait until the next day or the next week to interact with him again.

Step 3:
Find out what's wrong, if the moodiness hasn't always been your co-worker's personality trait. Sometimes a person might just be waiting for someone to ask what her problem is so she can share it. Though this won't always help, it can begin to smooth things over with a person who is just going through a rough time.

Step 4:
Let it out when appropriate. Even if you do your best to downplay an uncomfortable situation, you might still be steaming on the inside (and rightfully so). Don't create more of a problem by bashing the moody co-worker to anyone who will listen. However a certain amount of venting your frustrations to a close friend, close co-worker or your spouse can do your temperament a world of good.

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Create Your Ideal Relationship

Things You’ll Need:

Yourself
Your sweetheart

Step 1:
Assume nothing; envision everything. Do not assume that there is only one or two (or ten!) ways to have a relationship. There are infinite ways to relate and conduct a romantic partnership. Envision the possibilities!
Step 2:
Keep your eyes on your prize. Just as you must never compare your one-of-a-kind self to another, you must never compare your one-of-a-kind relationship to another. Every relationship--whether a monogamous union or an open partnership--is unique to the individuals who inhabit it. Besides, you can never really know what’s going on in somebody else’s relationship. Instead of focusing on the relationship of Ingrid and Jose from across the street (or for that matter, Brad and Angelina from Hollywood), focus your relationship and what you can do to ensure it is as healthy as it can be for you and your partner.
Step 3:
Speak your deepest truth. Revealing your desires can be scary when those desires seem to waiver from the generally accepted truth about the way a relationship should look. You may worry that your partner will reject you if your ideals fall far outside the mainstream. If you are ever to have the type of relationship you truly desire, however, you must honestly express what that ideal relationship means for you.
Step 4:
Encourage your partner to share his or her deepest truth. Ask your partner, “What is your ideal relationship?” Do not assume that you already know the answer. And don’t freak out if the answer turns out to be different from what you expected to hear. Differences needn’t break a relationship if you address those differences with compassionate creativity.
Step 5:
Seek relationship role models. Oprah Winfrey and Stedman Graham aren’t married. Neither are Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. Filmmaker Tim Burton and his wife Helena Bonham Carter are married with one child, yet live in separate houses next door to each other. It isn’t just famous couples approaching relationships in creative ways, so keep your eyes out for relationships you admire.
Step 6:
Hold onto the big things, let go of the small things. An ideal relationship supports your spirit on a fundamental level. An ideal relationship allows you to be yourself completely. An ideal relationship feels like home. Know what basic elements need to make this your reality--and let everything else go.
Step 7:
Trust that you will have the relationship you desire. For many years I only seemed to meet and date men who thought my version of an ideal relationship was eccentric and bizarre. Eventually I met a man who, when I confessed my “quirky” ideas about love and partnership, said, “That sounds great!”
Step 8:
Ignore skeptics. People love to criticize, analyze and characterize anybody with an idea outside the mainstream. People will say that you have commitment issues, that you are selfish and immature. They will tell you to grow up. They will assert that if you and your partner do not get married then you don’t really love one another. They will make you believe that if you don’t wed and raise a family then you will be lonely all your life and die alone in a gutter. These ideas are ridiculous. Your reality will be what you make it. Always trust your deepest voice.

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What Men Want in Women

Instructions


Physical Traits

When is comes to a woman's physical attractiveness, men pay attention. Men want someone with them that they find good-looking for a number of reasons; one reason is that they want to show off their woman to other men. It feeds their ego when they have a physically attractive woman on their arm. Men are attracted to women with physical traits that suggest she is healthy, such as long and beautiful hair, a bright smile with white teeth, a narrow waist, a clear complexion and a healthy weight.


Personality

Men want to eventually find that special someone with whom they can grow old. Truthfully, they want a woman who is reminiscent of their mother (in certain aspects): someone who can create home-cooked meals, take care of household duties and nurture them. They also want a woman who is sexy, positive, kind, smart and driven, someone who doesn't complain or nag and who wakes up in the morning already gorgeous. They want a woman who is rational and who will be their cheerleader, who will support them throughout their lives while also being their intellectual equal. Men also want someone who will love them for who they are in spite of their flaws. Men basically want the same thing women want, which is to be loved.


Lifestyle

Men want to be a part of a woman's life---not all of it. Men want women who have their own thing going on. Women who have friends, a job, family obligations, and daily routines are attractive to men because it shows them that she is capable of running her own life. If a woman has nothing going on and her life revolves around her man than he will feel pressure and a sense of being trapped. Ambition is also attractive to men. A woman who is striving to reach her goals and who works hard is very sexy. It shows that she is not just floating through life waiting around for a man to provide for her. Additionally, a woman who is fit and concerned about her health is very sought-after because such concerns display that she wants to look good and that she cares about herself, which is also sexy.

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Telesales Techniques

Instructions


Step 1:
One of the most critical aspects of telesales is your voice when dealing with prospective buyers. Sales is a tough field and you may become discouraged when your sales are down. However, it is important that you do not project this emotion into your voice. The last thing a prospective buyer wants to hear is a morose telesales representative--this gives him no incentive to buy from you. Project warmth and enthusiasm. Greet him pleasantly but professionally. He should hear your smile through the phone and your passion for the product you are selling.
Presentation

Step 2:
Prepare your selling strategy before making the call, and prepare for each gatekeeper you may have to encounter before you are transferred to the appropriate party. Be amiable while introducing yourself and politely state why you are calling. Do not give empty answers. The gatekeeper is present to screen you and will hang up if you are not allowing her to do her job. If you maintain a professional and confident demeanor, she may send you through.

Once you have your prospective buyer on the phone, the question is: Can you make the sale? This is why preparing your presentation before making the call is so important--you will know your objective and how to achieve it. Do not read from a script; you'll sound too rehearsed. Know your product, believe in it, ensure that it meets your prospective buyer's needs, and you will make the sale.
Rejection

Step 3:
Do not take rejection to heart. Rejection in telesales is a natural occurrence because people will not always want to buy what you are selling. Look at the positive side of telesales when this occurs: You are not face-to-face with the prospective buyer. He will not recognize you if he ever sees you. Chances are the minute he hangs up the phone on you, he has already forgotten you. You should do the same. If you are selling a marketable product, you will find buyers. The reason rejections occur vary:

Some people would rather to see who they are buying from

She is simply not interested

He cannot afford it

She is in a bad mood

Whatever the reason, based on the result of your call, you can usually determine whether the prospective buyer is a "Call Back" or whether it is time to move on to the next.

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Techniques to improve communication

Communication must serve its purpose. It is, therefore, necessary for any
organization to develop an appropriately suitable and efficient network of
communication. For this purpose, the following basic principles of communication
must be considered.

1. Principle of clarity: Whenever an idea is to be communicated, one
should give attention towards its clarity and precision. The idea should not be
either confusing or vague. It should be easily understandable by people at all
levels of organization. No communication is said to be complete and effective

unless it is understood by the receiver in the same sense with which the sender
conveys it.
2. Principle of consistency: Whenever a person wishes to communicate
certain message he must be consistent in his expression. It should be consistent
with overall objectives, policies, statement and his action; otherwise the receiver
may not be faithful in his acceptance of the message and its execution. The
communicator must always try to make his subordinates into confidence and
encourage them to follow his plans of action.
3. Principle of completeness and adequacy: Whatever to be
communicated should be adequate and complete in all respects. Insufficient or
inadequate statements of communication may create misunderstandings in the
mid of the receiver resulting in delays. Consequently, original plans may not be
successfully executed in action. The adequacy of the information also depends
upon the power of understanding of the receiver of the message.


4. Principle of information: In the beginning the sender of the message
must have perfect clarity in his own mind about what is to be communicated.
Where there is proper understanding there is effective communication.
Communication is a systematic and continuous process of telling, listening and
understanding. The communicator as well as receiver should sincerely
participate in the process of communication. There should be a perfect
understanding between both the parties, i.e. receiver as well as sender of the
communication.
5. Principle of channel or media adaptation: There should be
appropriate channel of communication. The choice of any communication
channel depends upon the content or matter of the message to be conveyed.
For example, whenever the messages are lengthy, writing channel is suitable
as it suits the simple purpose; In general, simple messages are conveyed
through oral communication.
6. Principle of appropriate time element: The sender of the message
must take into consideration the element of time factor while conveying the
message. Unsuitable time of communication may result in failure of achieving the
expected results. The system of communication should be continuous. Honest
efforts on the part of receiver and sender are essential to make the
communication successful.
7. Principle of Integration: In any organization, it is necessary to prepare
an integrated system of communication so that the enterprise can achieve its
goals. Members of management groups must give due importance to keep intact
the communication frame and arteries. As it is a means to an end, it should be
free from any personal prejudices. It should not be offensive in its

content but should convey the sense of adopting definitely cooperative principle
of give and take.
8. Principle of flexibility: Any organization no matter how big or small it is
should have a perfect system of communication. It should be flexible so as to suit
the changing requirements of the organization. It should also be able to quickly
and aptly adjust to the new working techniques as well as new
communication systems or methods without much resistance or difficulties.
9. Principle of informality: Management of any organization should see
that the communication at all levels is maintained by supporting formal
communication with informal contacts. The communication becomes most
effective when managers utilize the informal organization to supplement the
communication channels to the formal organization.
10. Principle of feedback: Communication is not a substitute for good
management but it requires good management to operate it effectively and
efficiently. Communication is a two way process which provides enough
opportunity for constructive criticism from the receiver of the message leading
to the emergency of creative ideas. The communicator must create such
atmosphere in the organization that while conveying certain messages or orders
they must depict a correct picture of message and get proper response from the
receiver. The organization must create such feelings in the minds of its
subordinates that they feel free to contribute to the work of the organization.
When the communicators respond with proper feedback system, it may lead to
the speedy progress of the organization. Hence, it is very important that the
management should adopt and encourage such system of communication that
there prevails free and frank atmosphere in the company leading to constant
flow of information in all directions.

Components of communication system

Communication in fact is necessary in the world as the life itself not only for
human beings but also for animals and plants. Communication is the name
we give to the countless ways of keeping is relationship with whatever we are
concerned in our day to day life. It means, communication is natural to all living
creatures. It can be established even between human and nonhuman beings in
case they live together. Pet animals for example, also communicate with their
human companions. Methods of communication may however, differ from
individual to individual, groups to groups or community to community. A civilized
group cans posse’s better communication ability. It is central to everything that
we perform in our day to day life. In order to achieve goals effectively, it is
necessary to adopt the process of effective communication. An organization can
he held together only if there is proper communication among its members. Each
person has different goals and they may be achieved through cooperative,
coordinate efforts which needs proper communication. Hence, without
communication no organization can properly function. It is a tool which can
exercise influence on others. Communication motivates them to establish and
keep the relations with them. It means that there can be no society without
communication.
For transferring the thoughts and ideas certain means and methods are required
to be adapted. For this, we use the following means which stands for the ideas:
1. Symbols 2. Signs 3. Pictures 4. Sounds 5. Words
As we know, communication is the process by which information is passed
on from one individual to another individual from one organization to another
organization and so forth. An individual, who wished to pass on certain
information, puts his thoughts either into words or other symbols which can be
understood by the persons to whom he wants to communicate. The process of
communication begins with an emergence of thought or idea in one’s mind. Mere
emergence of thought or idea does not start the process of communication. The
individual concerned must intend to communicate it to somebody. This intention
to convey idea or
thoughts begins the process of communication. In a broad sense, the
communication process takes place in the following general form
The Sender: A person who intends to convey or communicate his thoughts
or ideas is called as a sender. He has to translate this message in such a
language which is known or understood by the Receiver. The effect of his
message not only depends on the language he uses but also upon his status and
reputation. Status relates to authority, knowledge and prestige while reputation
relates to the kind of person he is known to be i.e. whether he is cooperative or
noncooperative (hostile). For example, a message from a popular boss who is
liked will be appreciated or believed by the subordinates much more than the one
receives from a boss who is not in subordinates very good esteem.
Encoding: The method which initiates the message is called encoding a
thought. The sender puts his thoughts in certain form of logical and coded
message. It may be either oral or written communication. It can be stated in a
specific form may be in letter, telegram, verbal talk, (gestures) or some other
form of expression. As the sender intends to know the effect of his message, he
considers various factors such as the receiver’s knowledge about the subject
matter, his working conditions, his job responsibilities and other background
information. There are four aspects which are important for encoding the
message.
1. The sender’s skill of encoding the message;
2. His knowledge as well as the sociocultural system of which he is a part;
3. Success in sending the message depends upon the sender’s skill about
writing speaking, reading, listening and reasoning.
4. The attitude of the sender substantially influences the receiver.
Dispatch and Reception: A message is the actual physical product at the
encoding source. When one speaks, writes or paints a picture is considered as a
message. Gestures, movements of arms facial expressions etc. are also taken
as messages. It is affected by the code or a group of symbols used to transfer
meaning. The meaning of what is to be communicated itself and the decision that
the sender makes in choosing, arranging and selecting both contents and codes,
constitutes a message.
For transmitting the message, some kind of medium or chemical is essential.
It can be sent directly or through a proper channel. This process involves certain
media. It may be a face to face message, a conversation or a written or typed
matter or simply some sort of gestures. The channel bridges the gap between the
sources and the receiver. In case of face to face communication, a talk over the
telephone or a broadcast radio or telecast on Television, reception almost
synchronizes with the dispatch of the message. In other forms of communication,
it depends upon the efficiency of the medium used. There may be some time
interval between dispatch and actual reception of the message. A letter may take
few days to reach the destination while a telegram may reach within a few hours,
and an Email in a few seconds.
Kunal
The Receiver: Just as the sender has his own frame of references, so does
the receiver. What the receiver has to select to listen and give attention to,
depends upon his own opinions, attitude and relationship with the sender. It also
depends on the type of message sent, the channel employed, the manner of his
reception and the situation under which it is received. The frame of the mind of
the Receiver also carries equal importance in the process of interpretation or
decoding of the message as that of the sender in encoding.
Decoding of message: The work of interpretation is concerned with
receiver of the message. He accepts the message and tries to find out its exact
meaning by analyzing the sender, his intent his role, knowledge, experience and
authority. Receiver of the message tries to translate the symbols, ideas into a
form that can be understood by him. The process of translation and interpretation
of the signals is called decoding. The process of decoding requires that the
receiver must possess skill in reading or listening and must also be able to apply
reason. Receiver’s attitude and cultural background can distort the message. In
case, the encoding is efficient and the receiver is conversant with those codes
and symbols, his perception can be good. There can be a fairly accurate
reproduction of the message. When the message is properly decoded by the
receiver, he may immediately respond to it. This response exists in his mind in
the form of ideas or emotions.
Feedback : Feed back is the turn of message or responses from the
receiver to sender of the message. It determines whether understanding is
achieved or not. When the message reaches the state of decoding, the process
of understanding starts. The sender expects that the receiver shows some
response or reaction so that he can take some action or reply or behave in a
particular way as a result of the responses he receives. The sender of the
message needs to know whether the receiver responds in the desired way or not.
He can find this out only through the feedback he gets from the receiver. Thus,
feedback is the knowledge of the result of communication, which can be useful
for undertaking or modifying future communication.
(Diagram)
In the process of face to face communication, there is an immediate and
continuous feedback. The facial expressions of the listener can tell the speaker,
whether the message is understood, accepted, rejected, liked or not liked by the
receiver. The speaker can further modify his message according to the situation
needs and understanding of the listener, so as to make it more acceptable to the
listener. It is possible for the speaker to ask certain questions to find out whether
the message is fully understood or not by the listener. In certain cases, listener
Kunal
can also ask questions for better understanding and clarification of the message
he receives.

How To Tell Lies Successfully

The difficulty with lying is that the subconscious mind acts automatically and
independently of our verbal lie, so our body language gives us away. This is why
people who rarely tell lies are easily caught, regardless of how convincing they may
sound. The moment they begin to lie, the body sends out contradictory signals, and
these give us our feeling that they are not telling the truth. During the lie, the
subconscious mind sends out nervous energy that appears as a gesture that can
contradict what the person said. Some people whose jobs involve lying, such as
politicians, lawyers, actors and television announcers, have refined their body gestures
to the point where it is difficult to ‘see’ the lie, and people fall for it, hook, line and
sinker.
They refine their gestures in one of two ways. First, they practise what ‘feel’ like the
right gestures when they tell the lie, but this is only successful when they have practised
telling numerous lies over long periods of time. Second, they can eliminate most
gestures so that they do’ not use any positive or negative gestures while lying, but this is
also very difficult to do.
Try this simple test when an occasion presents itself. Tell a deliberate lie to an
acquaintance and make a conscious effort to suppress all body gestures while your body
is in full view of the other person. Even when your major body gestures are consciously
suppressed, numerous microgestures will still be transmitted. These include facial
muscular twitching, expansion and contraction of pupils, sweating at the brow, flushing
of the cheeks, increased rate of eye blinking and numerous other minute gestures that
signal deceit. Research using slow motion cameras shows that these microgestures can
occur within a split second and it is only people such as professional interviewers, sales
people and those whom we call perceptive who can consciously see them during a
conversation or negotiation. The best interviewers and sales people are those who have
developed the unconscious ability to read the microgestures during face-to-face
encounters.
It is obvious, then, that to be able to lie successfully, you must have your body
hidden or out of sight. This is why police interrogation involves placing the suspect on
a chair in the open or placing him under lights with his body in full view of the
interrogators; his lies are much easier to see under those circumstances. Naturally,
telling lies is easier if you are sitting behind a desk where your body is partially hidden,
or while peering over a fence or behind a closed door. The best way to lie is over the
telephone!

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The World's Eight Worst Handshakes

Here are eight of the world's most annoying and disliked
handshakes and their variations. Avoid them at all times:

1.The Wet Fish
Credibility Rating: 1/10.
Few greetings are as uninviting as the Wet Fish, particularly
when the hand is cold or clammy. The soft, placid feel of the
Wet Fish makes it universally unpopular and most people
associate it with weak character, mainly because of the ease
with which the palm can be turned over. It is read by the
receiver as a lack of commitment to the encounter, but there
may be cultural or other implications - in some Asian and
African cultures a limp handshake is the norm and a firm
handshake can be seen as offensive. Also, one in twenty people
suffer from a condition called hyperhydrosis, which is a
genetic condition that causes chronic sweating. It's wise to
carry tissues or a handkerchief for mop-up strategies before
any bout of handshaking.
The palms have more sweat glands than any other part of the
body, which is why sweaty palms become so obvious. Surprisingly,
many people who use the Wet Fish are unaware they do
it so it's wise to ask your friends to comment on your handshake
style before deciding what you'll use in future meetings.

2.The Vice
Credibility Rating: 4/10.
This quietly persuasive style is a favourite of men in business
and reveals a desire to dominate and assume early control of
the relationship or put people in their place. The palm is presented
in the down position with one sharp downward pump
followed by two or three vigorous return strokes and a grip
that can even stop blood flow to the hand. Sometimes it will be
used by a person who feels weak and fears they will be dominated
by others.

3. The Bone-Crusher
Credibility Rating: 0/10.
A second cousin to the Vice, the Bone-Crusher is the most
feared of all handshakes as it leaves an indelible memory on
the recipient's mind and fingers and impresses no one other
than the initiator. The Bone-Crusher is the trademark of the
overly aggressive personality who, without warning, seizes the
early advantage and attempts to demoralise his opponent by
grinding his knuckles to a smooth paste. If you are female,
avoid wearing rings on your right hand in business encounters
as the Bone-Crusher can draw blood and leave you to open
your business dealings in a state of shock.

Unfortunately, there are no effective ways to counter it. If you
believe someone has done it on purpose, you could bring it to
everyone's attention by saying, 'Ouch! That really hurt my
hand. Your grip is too strong.' This puts the advocate of the
Bone-Crusher on notice not to repeat the behaviour.

4. The Finger-Tip Grab
Credibility Rating: 2/10.
A common occurrence in male—female greetings, the Finger-
Tip Grab is a handshake that missed the mark and the user
mistakenly grabs the other person's fingers. Even though the
initiator may seem to have an enthusiastic attitude towards the
receiver, he in fact lacks confidence in himself. In these circumstances,
the main aim of the Finger-Tip Grab is to keep the receiver at a comfortable distance. The Finger-Tip Grab
can also result from personal space differences between the
people in the handshake. This could happen if one person's
intimate space was two feet (60cm) and the other's was three
feet (90cm), the latter stands further back during greeting so
the hands don't connect properly.
The Stiff-Arm Thrust
61
If this happens to you, take the other person's right hand with
your left and place it correctly in your right hand and say, with
a smile 'Let's try that again!' and shake hands equally. This
builds your credibility because you are telling the other person
that you think they are important enough for you to get it
right.

5.The Stiff-Arm Thrust
Credibility Rating: 3/10.
Like the Palm-Down Thrust, the Stiff-Arm Thrust tends to be
used by aggressive types and its main purpose is to keep you at
a distance and away from their personal space. It's also used by
people raised in rural areas, who have larger personal space
needs and want to protect their territory.
These people will even lean forward or balance on one foot to
keep their distance when delivering a Stiff-Arm Thrust.

6. The Socket-Wrencher
Credibility Rating: 3/10.
A popular choice of power players and common cause of
watering eyes and, in extreme cases, torn ligaments. This is the
father of the Bent-Arm-Pull-In, and involves forcefully gripping
the receiver's outstretched palm, then simultaneously
applying a sharp reverse thrust, attempting to drag the receiver
into the initiator's territory. This results in loss of balance and
gets the relationship off on the wrong foot.

Pulling the receiver into the initiator's territory can mean one
of three things: first, the initiator is an insecure type who feels
safe only within his own personal space; second, the initiator
is from a culture that has smaller space needs; or third, he
wants to control you by pulling you off balance. Either way, he
wants the encounter to be on his terms.

7.The Pump Handle
Credibility Rating: 4/10.
With strong rural overtones, the pumper grabs the hand of the
pumpee and commences an energetic and rhythmic series of
rapid vertical strokes.
While up to seven pumps is acceptable, some pumpers continue
to pump uncontrollably as if they are trying to draw
water from the pumpee.

Occasionally, the pumper will cease pumping but continue to
hold the receiver's hand to prevent their escape and, interestingly,
few people try to pull their hand away. The act of being
physically connected seems to weaken our resolve to retreat.

8.The Dutch Treat
Credibility Rating: 2/10.
Being somewhat vegetarian in approach, this handshake has
its origins in the Netherlands, where a person can be accused
of 'Geeft 'n hand als bosje worteljes' meaning 'Giving a handshake
like a bunch of carrots'. It's a distant relative of the Wet
Fish but stiffer and less clammy to the touch.

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How to Create Rapport

There are two key ingredients for creating rapport in a handshake.
First, make sure that yours and the other person's palms
are in the vertical position so that no one is dominant or sub!
missive. Second, apply the same pressure you receive. This
means that if, on a firmness scale of 1-10, your handshake
registers a 7 but the other person is only a 5, you'll need to
back off 20% in strength. If their grip is a 9 and yours is a
7, you'll need to increase your grip by 20%. If you were
meeting a group of ten people, you'd probably need to make
several adjustments of angle and intensity to create a feeling
of rapport with everyone and to stay on an equal footing
with each person. Also keep in mind that the average male
hand can exert around twice the power of the average female
hand, so allowances must be made for this. Evolution has
allowed male hands to exert a grip of up to 100 pounds (45kg)
for actions such as tearing, gripping, carrying, throwing and
hammering.
Remember that the handshake evolved as a gesture to say
hello or goodbye or to seal an agreement so it always needs to
be warm, friendly and positive.

How to Create Equality

When two dominant people shake hands, a symbolic power
struggle takes place as each person attempts to turn the other's
palm into the submissive position. The result is a vice-like
handshake with both palms remaining in the vertical position
and this creates a feeling of equality and mutual respect
because neither is prepared to give in to the other.

How to Become a Great Reader

Set aside at least fifteen minutes a day to study the body language
of other people, as well as acquiring a conscious
awareness of your own gestures. A good reading ground is
anywhere that people meet and interact. An airport is a particularly
good place for observing the entire spectrum of
human gestures as people openly express eagerness, anger,
sorrow, happiness, impatience and many other emotions
through body language. Social functions, business meetings
and parties are also excellent. When you become proficient at
the art of reading body language, you can go to a party, sit in
a corner all evening and have an exciting time just watching
other people's body language rituals.
Modern humans are worse at reading
body signals than their ancestors because we
are now distracted by words.
Television also offers an excellent way of learning. Turn down
the sound and try to understand what is happening by first
watching the picture. By turning the sound up every few
minutes, you will be able to check how accurate your nonverbal
readings are and, before long, it will be possible to
watch an entire programme without any sound and understand
what is happening, just as deaf people do.
Learning to read body language signals not only makes you
more acutely aware of how others try to dominate and manipulate,
it brings the realisation that others are also doing the
same to us and, most importantly, it teaches us to be more sensitive
to other people's feelings and emotions.
we have now witnessed the emergence of a new kind of social scientist - the Body Language Watcher. Just as the birdwatcher
loves watching birds and their behaviour, so the Body
Language Watcher delights in watching the non-verbal cues
and signals of human beings. He watches them at social functions,
at beaches, on television, at the office or anywhere that
people interact. He's a student of behaviour who wants to
learn about the actions of his fellow humans so that he may
ultimately learn more about himself and how he can improve
his relationships with others.
What's the difference between an observer and a stalker?
A clipboard and pen.

The Seven Elements Of Charisma

Charisma (n): a personal attractiveness that enables you to influence others
Seduction has always been the most talked about art, and that is because it is more easily grasped. Learning the art of seduction is extrospective (looking outward), while charisma is introspective (looking inward). Once it is developed, it is a powerful tool that you can use to easily influence the people around you. Have you heard the story of the Pied Piper?...
He advanced to the council-table:
And, "Please your honours,'' said he, "I'm able,
"By means of a secret charm, to draw
"All creatures living beneath the sun,
"That creep or swim or fly or run,
"After me so as you never saw!
"And I chiefly use my charm
"On creatures that do people harm,
"The mole and toad and newt and viper;
"And people call me the Pied Piper.''
THE SEVEN ELEMENTS OF CHARISMA
IT'S THE SAME OLD SCENARIO: You and your friends want to hang out and go to a club, but you want a club where the women are attractive and have some class. There might be twenty or so nightclubs to choose from, but with standards like these you really only have four or five. And forget it - as much as your optimistic-adrenaline-testosterone self would like to believe, there is no such place as "Club Orgy." Bar hop all night, and you'll come closer to finding The Lost City of Atlantis before you'll find a club where the women that you've set your standards for are down for the one night action you've got on your mind.
Unless of course you've got some serious game. "Game" translates in all cultures to a similar state of mind: Charisma. But what exactly is Charisma? We'll tell you what it's not - It's not arrogance. And it's not pretentiousness. It's an aura that surrounds you, that attracts people to you. Great leaders in history understood this - Hitler entranced the small country of Germany into following him in a pursuit of World Domination. The greatest con artists used charisma to lull their victims into sometimes giving up fortunes and life savings. And actor's on screen portray it in their carefully written lines and parts, when in all reality they may lack true charisma off the set. Brad Pitt has charisma on the screen - and you can bet that he's not as charismatic off it. And remember Tom Cruise in Top Gun - every guy wanted to be like him for years after that movie came out.
Both of these actors are American icons, their on-screen personas developed over the years by numerous writers, directors, and people paid to teach "presence." You know, the same kind of people that instruct run-way models how to enter a room and command the attention of all just by the way they carry themselves.
Maybe an easy way to make the word charisma understandable is to define it as knowing when to speak, and what to say when you speak, knowing when not to speak, and knowing how to carry yourself throughout . This takes discipline, which is acquired with practice. Actors are expected to rehearse the same parts over and over again to get things just right for the camera. Writers re-write their pieces sometimes repeatedly before their scripts are finally approved to begin a film shoot.
As an example of what we mention above, look hard at the fine detail that Hollywood uses to craft the "on-screen presence" of a main or central character. A main or central character must command attention throughout the film to hold the audience's interest. The more attention they command, through elements of intrigue, mystery, and action, the greater their on-screen presence . Many elements go in to this "on-screen presence" - these are elements of charisma.
But this is real life, not Hollywood. In reality, and as charisma applies to the social scene and to the women involved in the social scene, it's all about diplomacy.

THE FIRST ELEMENT: PRESENCE
The first element of charisma is "presence." Presence, as used here, refers to the quality of commanding respectful attention.
To further define presence, think of it more specifically as how you carry yourself . Picture a Lotus in a parking lot of Fords. The Lotus stands alone - as a European sports car, it's sleek and stylishly detailed compared to the conservative and boring Fords. It's not moving, it's not talking - it's not doing a thing and yet you've taken notice of it because of its detailed features. That is presence.
Presence is important... It is the very first step to making a highly effective first impression. As numerous elements make up charisma, so do numerous elements make up presence.
What do you need to do create presence? The following steps will get you well on your way:
Image is Everything: So Pay Attention to Detail
* Dress in a style that is considered fashionable. Wear clothes that will get you compliments. You care about your image and it shows. While it's good to have an image that says that you care about how you look, you don't have to exactly mimic the trendy crowd around you, which by tradition is all 'into looks'. Be a little creative, looking for those items that will make your wardrobe more original than the average well-dressed guy. But recognize, if a woman is well into the trendy crowd, to seduce her you'd better seem high up in it yourself.
* In general, the attractive women in society prefer a man with a clean, short hair cut. This same group of women (most desired by men) also prefers men to be clean shaven. A clean shave says two things about you... First, it says that you're well-groomed, and second that you prefer a more youthful look, and are aware of the social ramifications of a clean shaven face. Does this mean you have to be clean shaven? No. In regards to first impressions, we're just telling you what women prefer in general.
And when following what women are generally known to prefer, you position yourself in such a way as to have the statistically greatest chances of success at catching their attention with your image.
Some other tips to enhance your presence:
* If you're white, work on maintaining a healthy tan. No sunshine?... Find a nearby tanning salon.
* Pay attention to how you walk, sit, and stand. Your posture should make you appear to be confident and at ease with your surroundings. Even if you're not at ease, pay attention to your posture so that it seems as though you are.
* Flaunt a sincere, friendly smile at strategic intervals (but don't over do it - learn to read when it is called for, and when it's not). * A sincere, friendly smile is a strong weapon. It breaks the ice, tears down people's walls, automatically paints you as a person of high self-esteem and confidence. ( * Refer to The Sixth Element: Diplomacy.)
* What is your mind set? You are in a situation that requires a strong focus on tact and diplomacy. Meaning, knowing when to speak, and what to say when you speak, knowing when not to speak, and knowing how to carry yourself throughout.
* How do your eyes follow the crowd? As if you're disinterested (meaning, you're not paying too much attention to any one person) - and that's because you feel that their is nobody worthy of your attention. In other words, you're never "star-struck" because you are the star. In the end, your goal is to give off the impression that you're a prestigious person accustomed to ranking high in social circles - not even the blonde-bombshell walking by can shake this poise. You may cast a glance, but you're to prestigious to stare. *People around you WILL notice this and subconsciously decide that you ARE a person of prestige. (* Refer to Element II: "Regal Bearing").
In a world where most people lack a high level of self-respect, it is easy to stand out when you have it and it shows. And if you don't have a high level of self-respect (again, like most), then fake it. Take note - the trick to faking it is to fake it with sincerity (this will be repeated further along).
By themselves, these simple details regarding a positive, prestigious self-image don't accomplish much, but when packaged together they merge for great effect. And now you've created "presence."
Introducing 'Universal Presence': Dressing In A "Safety Zone"
When it comes to first impressions, there's a certain zone statistically most women respond to, and for the purpose of this section we'll call it the "safety zone". You can dress how you've always dressed, or you can dress in a way that women are known most often to admire.
Nowadays, the trendy Calvin Klein / Ralph Lauren look seems to be in with the "cool" upscale crowds... and as such, this is what most women admire. (Not all women, just most). Now, if this isn't the type of woman you're after, then disregard the next few paragraphs regarding personal image. The important thing to realize, is that it's about presenting yourself (dressing) in such a way as to impress the women you're targetting. Biker girls like tattooed-up bikers. Thug girls like thug guys. Punk rock girls like punk rock guys. Cowgirls like cowboys.
Analyze the traits most admired by the women you're most after. Then adapt these traits into who you are to give yourself the greatest odds for getting these women.
The great seducers understood what the women they were after most looked for in a man's appearance, and so they portrayed this image for the sole purpose of getting these women. Today, this means that if you're going after a woman who's 'big on country', dressing with a 'hip hop' look probably isn't going to have a good effect.
Now, let's say that you prefer country music, however where you work the women are more into hip hop... The easiest way then to seduce these women, is to first keep your musical preferences to yourself, and second recognize what they admire most in guys that listen to hip hop. Loose fitting jeans. Well-styled hair. Designer clothes... Nike, Polo, Etc. You can then make the choice to greatly enhance your chances with these women by dressing in this fashion.
'Universal Presence' Part II: Understanding That Presence Is A Key Element In First Impressions
For the most part, how you are regarded by others is how people you come into contact with will regard you. But if they don't know you from Adam, if you're a complete stranger to them, then they will subconsciously prejudge you and form an early opinion of you before EVEN MEETING YOU.
It is human instinct to look for patterns in the world around us. It is psychological, it is subconscious. We relate the situations we're presented with based on our passed experiences.
When creating an aura of charisma, you're using this instinct to your advantage (which most people can't control because they're unaware that it is something happening in their subconscious). Here's an analogy: If you look like a thug, you'll be prejudged as probably being a thug. If you look like your gay, you'll be prejudged as probably being gay. And if you look like a charismatic person used to respect and even admiration, you will be prejudged as a person who is probably charismatic and worthy of respect and even admiration.
Once you've been prejudged, it's that much easier to create the effect that you're after. Notice that we used the word "probably" in the above paragraph? We use the word "probably" to represent the other person's expectations. This is what he or she expects. And because they expect it, now it's that much easier to give it to them.
Many elements make up charisma; presence is but one. Most people don't understand the charismatic persona and can only assume that it comes naturally to some people. Maybe for a very rare and select few. For the rest of us, it is an acquired art - something that we practice in our daily encounters with others until it is developed over time. Charisma opens many doors and will get you into many places otherwise far off limits. It is a very influential tool when you want something. Of the three arts we go over, Charisma is the most powerful . We discuss it in-depth first because the other two arts require it to be truly effective (interestingly, charisma, and how it applies to meeting and dating women, is overlooked in even the most popular self-help books on the current market.)

THE SECOND ELEMENT: REGAL BEARING
Bearing (n) : The manner in which one carries or conducts oneself
The most inclusive of the elements, bearing applies to both physical posture and general conduct: "He has the poise and bearing of a champion."
Bearing: Standing Tall
* The way you carry yourself will often determine how you are treated. If you carry yourself as if you're a person aware of social graces, and if you carry yourself as if you're a person of prestige (you're used to having respect), for the most part you will be regarded in the same fashion. Act like an important person to be treated like one.

THE THIRD ELEMENT: MANNER
Manner (n) : a way of acting or behaving
If your presence and regal bearing have given women the impression that you're an important person and that you're considered an important person by others, manner, as we use it here, refers to how you act and behave in relation. What, then, is the manner of a charismatic persona?
You put thought into your words and actions - you base what you do and say on how the other person will most likely react.
* Before speaking to a person, you ask yourself: How is this person going to interpret my next few words? What kind of effect are they going to have? What effect is it that I'm going for? Will I sound like I know what I'm talking about? Or will I sound like a fool? Will I sound confident? Or will I sound cocky? Will I sound sincere, or will I sound fake? Will I come across as a good conversationalist, someone who listens more than he speaks? Or will I seem as though I talk too much and therefore am not a good conversationalist?
A charismatic persona is thought of as being a good conversationalist, among other things, and for you to continue to give off the aura of charisma that you initially gave off with your presence and regal bearing, then you need to be good at conversation. If you foul up the conversation process, then your whole charismatic presence and regal bearing are thrown out the window. And now that this woman has met you, she's made a new judgement of you. On the other hand, if you are (or at least seem to be) an exceptional conversationalist, the charismatic effect that you are going for will only be heightened.

THE FOURTH ELEMENT: FINESSE
Finesse (n): Refinement and delicacy of performance, execution, or artisanship
By now you've realized that many of these elements are very similar terms and carry similar definitions as each other. The first three elements, bearing, presence, and manner add together to stand for essentially the same thing: the way you carry yourself. They apply to a person's behavior. People judge other people on their behavior, especially since it reveals many distinctive personal qualities regarding their individuality or upbringing. As mentioned before, it is a subconscious habit to relate a new experience (for example, meeting someone new) with past experiences (people you've known or known of).
Suave. Smooth. Finesse. This is how you want to go about your act. You will need to think along these lines when focusing on presence, on bearing, on manner. You shouldn't be able to tell where one ends and the other begins. They should all merge into one, each small bodies coming together to form a smooth liquid unity.
Finesse: The Tricks of the Trade
* Never seem to be in a hurry - hurrying betrays a lack of control over yourself, and over time.
* Always seem patient, as if you know that everything will come to you eventually.
* Your actions must seem natural and executed with ease - so when you act, act effortlessly, as if you could do much more. Cloak your focus on the elements (which will more than likely seem intense when you first start practicing the art) by being confident on the outside and relaxed on the inside. Never let them see you sweat.
* Practice being subtle ("subtle," as used here, means 'So slight as to be difficult to detect or analyze; elusive.').

THE FIFTH ELEMENT: ENIGMA
Enigma (n): An action, mode of action, or thing, which cannot be satisfactorily explained
In a world growing increasingly dull and familiar, what seems enigmatic instantly draws attention. Especially when it comes to today's dating / relationship arena. Many women tend to rate guys in the same grouping: little self-control, jerks when they don't get what they want, egotistical, loud, boring, macho, aggressive. . . So anything you can do to distance yourself from this group of "typical guys" stands to get you noticed - because your distance cannot be quickly and easily explained.
The attraction of enigma can be explained as follows: It invites layers of interpretation, excites women's imagination, deceives them into believing that it conceals something exciting.
In the dating / relationship arena, if you've got true charisma women will come to you . They can read by your presence, bearing, and manner if you're the rare kind of guy that is used to having women pursue him, as a person with true charisma is, and in a woman's subconscious mind her dream guy (Mr. Right) is a guy with true charisma . (Most women never meet their dream guy.) So if you put off the aura, suddenly her imagination is going to take over and she's going to wonder. . . Take note - she hasn't even met you and subconsciously she's already comparing you to Mr. Right. In the end, her imagination fuels the attraction.
Imagination. . . This is why enigma is a powerful element of charisma. It was one of Casanova's secrets - women who had heard of his accomplishments wondered what made him so romantically successful. Their imaginations ignited, they had to find out for themselves. Scholars like to say that it was Casanova's skills of seduction that landed him all his women - but seduction really didn't have much to do with it, in this case. He'd never met these women and yet they wanted to get with him. "Popularity" is a common result of charisma. In this case it elevated Casanova to near celebrity status.
There you are - with your presence, bearing, manner, and finesse - women notice you and think, What is it about him that makes him stand out? Why does he look so confident? He looks like a success in life. . . What is it about him?
Enigma: Mystery in the Making
* Never make it too clear what you are doing or about to do. Never reveal your plans or intentions.
* Don't show all your cards. Keep things back by being purposely vague.
* Be subtly unpredictable. Focus on the little things: If you're out on the nightscene, mix up your selection of drinks from time to time; don't frequent the same clubs; change your appearance slightly; grow a goatee for a few days; don't return a phone call immediately - return a phone call immediately. Make plans and be early - the next time be late; etc. . .
* Important people impress by saying less - you should keep your words to a minimum - just enough to keep the conversation rolling... And don't volunteer much information about yourself - instead, get her to volunteer information about herself . But do this in a way that doesn't make you seem too inquisitive or too interested - both signs of someone with little self-control, and therefore someone lacking true charisma. The key here to this conversation is to be casual and non-aggressive . To accomplish the casual, non-aggressive attitude, one trick is to make yourself believe that you're not interested in her unless she goes out of her way to impress you. Make her "sell" herself to you with her words and personality . (When it's all said and done, she should be thinking that you were a "great person to talk to" - and then she'll realize that she doesn't know anything about you. Her imagination is ignited and she'll be back for more.)
An air of enigma heightens your presence; it also creates anticipation - everyone will be watching you to see what you do next. Enigma is an interesting element because it carries over into both arts : It is used in Charisma. And It is used in Seduction. So make yourself familiar with enigma. Start practicing it on a daily basis with anyone you're in contact with. Then stand back and watch the results - you'll notice people paying you a lot more attention when you're around.
Don't imagine that to create an air of enigma you have to be beautiful or powerful. Enigma that is used in your day-to-day manner, and is subtle, has that much more power to ignite the imagination and attract attention. The fact is, most people are up front and pay little notice to their words or image. These people are completely predictable. By simply holding back, keeping certain things to yourself, and being deliberately vague, you will create an air of enigma. The people around you will then magnify that aura by constantly trying to read you. Imagination is a powerful fire - what wraps itself in enigma will almost always ignite it.

THE SIXTH ELEMENT: DIPLOMACY
Diplomacy (n): Tact and skill in dealing with people; subtly skillful handling of a situation involving others
Diplomacy represents a mastery of social skills. In the art of charisma, having it will make you, and not having it will break you. It is the ability to relate with anyone and everyone that you meet on their level. You must change your style and your way of speaking to suit each person and each situation. This isn't lying - this is acting. And acting, especially as it applies to charisma, is learned. You must become a chameleon, your colors constantly changing to adapt to the social atmosphere around you. In politics, a diplomat is someone sent by his government to keep up or improve relations with other governments. Although inwardly he may detest this other government and its people, he never lets it show. Instead, he shows respect and honors their customs and they love him for it. He is careful never to offend, yet he's also aware that to retain their respect he can't seem an ass-kisser.
Diplomacy: The Secret to Highly Effective Social Skills
* Never joke about someone else's appearances or taste, generally two highly sensitive areas.
* Give compliments. Look for one or two qualities about a woman that make her stand out. It can be something in her personality, or simply the way she wears her eyeliner. By expressing compliments, you subconsciously call attention to things to compliment you on (even if she doesn't say them aloud). The ability to express compliments, and be sincere, is a rare talent, and usually she'll really appreciate it.
* Be self-observant. Hold up a mirror to your words and actions. This can sometimes come from other people telling you what they see in you, but that's not the most trustworthy method. You must learn to put yourself in other people's shoes and see yourself as they see you. Are you kissing-ass? Are you acting too-cool? Do you seem too-serious? Are you acting too-comical? Do you seem desperate for attention? By keeping an eye on your words and actions you will avoid a thousand mistakes.
* Practice modesty. While it's good to make your talents known, you can easily come across as bragging if you're not careful. All bragging will do is get you brushed away - no one likes hearing it.
* Master your emotions - Just like an actor, you must learn to cry and laugh on command when it's appropriate. You must be able to disguise your anger and frustration and to fake your satisfaction and agreement. Use the same skills to cover up any nervousness you may experience - If you're ever even slightly nervous, hide it by focusing on appearing confident - look the other person in the eye, speak clearly and audibly (don't mumble or stutter), force a sincere smile.
* Learn to be sensitive to the other person, listening for what they're really saying.
* Learn to make people feel good about themselves (but do it subtly, as if you're unaware that this is what you're doing - remember enigma and make them wonder. . .).
These are the social skills your parents never taught you. In one word, they all represent charm. Think about it - A guy with sincere charm is usually liked by all. He's careful never to insult, never seems overbearing, he's always sensitive to the other person's likes and dislikes, and he never suffers social mishaps because he's constantly aware of what the effects will be of his words and actions.

THE SEVENTH ELEMENT: ALLURE
Allure (n): the power to entice or attract through personal charm
Ah, the last of the elements. It is the essence of charisma. But without the other elements, it would never be reached. When we've mentioned "aura" as a part of charisma, allure is that aura. It is infective. Women and guys alike are drawn in. Suddenly you find yourself surrounded by many friends and girlfriends ("groupies"). And once in your presence (The First Element), it's hard for them to distance themselves - as long as you continue to pay attention to each individual element. For example, diplomacy: When you excel in diplomacy (The Sixth Element), you learn to make others feel better about themselves, becoming a source of pleasure to them. In fact, they grow dependent on your manner (The Third Element) to feel good about themselves. You may call them friends, but psychologically they become your followers. Other people read this - and enigma kicks in and heightens the effect: these other people start to wonder subconsciously: There must be something exceptional ("cool" or "charming") about you that's making people want to be around you. . . What is it? Imaginations start to race.
Suddenly we've revealed the truth to you - charisma and manipulation are very similar. At the beginning of this article we gave you a dictionary definition for the word charisma:
Charisma (n): a personal attractiveness that enables you to influence others
And now we'll do the same for manipulation:
Manipulation (n): exerting shrewd or devious influence especially for one's own advantage If manipulation is a skill that is learned, then so is charisma. Con artists, it can be said, are the epitome of manipulation. When you think of a manipulator, you probably think of some slick-talking salesman or womanizer. You can see his act from a mile away. But a true con artist, you can't see his act - he's so disguised in an aura of charisma, that even after you've been bilked of millions you have a hard time believing that this person, this business associate, this friend could have been responsible.
Manipulation could be considered the negatives of the power of charisma, and when you manipulate people, sooner or later there are always consequences. In the end, it is much better to focus on the positives of charisma.
Benjamin Franklin once said:
"If rascals knew the value of virtue, they would become virtuous out of sheer rascality."
So how do you have virtue, and not fade into the background of "too nice"?... Maintain a powerful confidence, that is how. Your inner strength will shine through, and the people around you will seek comfort in your presence. You can be the mountain rising high from the jungles of mediocrity... people who are lost to low levels of self-esteem, which in the end fuels all the negatives of society - fears, perversions, jealousy, envy, anger, etc.
Charisma is enticing - you arise "hope" and "desire" in people. They see something about you, yet they have no idea what it is. What it is is an appeal to their ideals and yearnings: Delving into the subconscious, once again, most people have an inner desire to be appreciated, to be respected, to be liked by all. But most never have this desire quite fulfilled. In the end, they feel that you represent these things and that is the allure.
How long will it last? Practice enigma and they'll never know otherwise. If a person becomes familiar with you, sees you doing day to day things just like everyone else, then you will lose the aura of charisma because you've lost the element of enigma, and with it the element of allure.
Charisma is a strategy; the only way to keep it about yourself is to keep a distance from others, never letting them in your presence long enough to realize that you're just a well-dressed guy that knows how to use poise and confidence to interact with people - a predictable act. Keep the enigma about you and you retain the allure.
And these are the seven elements of charisma.
WHAT'S NEXT?
Charisma doesn't happen overnight. It has to be developed. Your goal then is to focus on each individual element, like "Presence" and "Diplomacy", PRACTICING these elements until you have all seven down. Then PRACTICE using all seven elements in ALL your social interactions. With practice, you WILL GET THEM DOWN TO A SCIENCE. Practice on your co-workers, on your friends, on the store clerk, on the bus driver.... on EVERYONE you come in contact with.
Eventually charisma will come naturally. Then, when you're in contact with women, all your actions will make you seem to be a man of SUPERIOR CONFIDENCE because you'll know exactly what you're doing, and WHAT THE EFFECT WILL BE ON THE WOMEN AROUND YOU. You know how women respond to charisma. Of course not all women will respond positively... Remember, some may already be in long term relationships, or even be suddenly nervous because of your strong presence of charisma. Some people do not know how to react to it. Insecure people often suffer from jealousy, envy, sometimes hate. Recognize who these people are, and disarm them with diplomacy... BEFORE things get out of hand.
Confidence comes in knowing what women respond to. It is up to you then to perfect your skills in charisma with the people around you, before using them on women. Then practice on average-looking women, until you've got them charmed. Once you've got this test-group under your wing, start practicing your skills on the WOMEN YOU TRULY WANT.
Is six months of trial and error worth 60 years of success

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