Reading Male Body Language

Instructions
Read Him Like a Book
Step 1:
Pay very close attention to his eyes. The eyes are the windows to the soul, right? You will be able to tell what he's feeling just by looking into his eyes. If he makes direct eye contact and holds your gaze, he is trying to show that he's interested. However, if he avoids eye contact completely, he is either trying to avoid you or he is feeling intimidated by you. A quick wink or frequent blinking both indicate interest and a desire to get to know the other person better. Also, take note of quick eye angle changes and changes in pupil size as indicators of increased awareness. Enlarged pupils express heightened physical interest.
Step 2:
Secondly, pay attention to his stance. A guy who is standing erectly with his chest out and his hands at his side is showing others that he is a confident alpha male looking for a suitable companion. This is an open stance that indicates a desire to be approached. If he has his arms folded across his chest, it may signal that he is insecure and uncomfortable with himself. A closed stance like this shows that this guy is not ready for a relationship. Also, pay attention to his facial expressions. Men typically show less emotion than women, and as a result, their expressions are often more reserved and harder to decode. However, this means that when he does show an obvious expression on his face, then it is genuine and should be taken seriously.
Step 3:
Be aware of negative body language signals such as lack of eye contact, poor posture, hiding of the hands, mumbling, stuttering, mispronunciation, extraneous body movements, and darting eyes. These gestures indicate that he is either insecure, uninterested, bored, keeping something from you, lying to you, or nervous. Negative body language is basically a sign that he is not interested in you, anxious to get away or even just nervous to be around you. If you feel that he is nervous, try to make him feel more at ease by shifting attention away from yourself. Otherwise, take the negative signals for what they are, and get out of there. Life is too short.
Step 4:
Take note of the direction in which his body is pointing. If his body or certain body parts are pointing towards you, then there is a high probability that he is interested and wants to get closer to you. Pay attention to the direction his feet, legs, knees and face are pointing. When a guy likes someone he will subconsciously position himself in the direction of that person. On the other hand, if his face, legs and feet are pointing away from you, then he is expressing a subconscious desire to keep a distance. This is a tell-tale sign that he's not interested.
Step 5:
Pay special attention to positive body language signals such as prolonged eye contact, signs of dominance, direct or "accidental" touching, thumbs hooked into his belt, and preening. When a man finds someone of interest he will instinctively adjust his tie, fix his hair or do other things to make himself look more attractive. These are all signs that he is interested in you and would like to get closer to you. If you don't see any of these signs when interacting with a male that you find attractive, then chances are that he does not share the same interest. These body language signals are very important because a man will typically express himself through subtle, subconscious signs rather than tell you exactly how he's feeling.
Tips & Warnings
Learn to spot additional signals and cues by reading books written by body language experts. Find books on the subject at the library, local bookstores or online shops like amazon.com. The more you know, the better you will be at understanding the male species

How to Read The Romantic Body Language

Instructions
Read Romantic Body Language
Step 1:
Eye Contact. Eye contact is the first sign that will signal to you that he is interested. He will make eye contact for about 3 seconds and then look away. He then will look at you for a longer time. This type of flirtation using the eyes may be done in any setting. Another sign that shows he is interested is that his pupils will enlarge. Single people should pay attention when they walk through the grocery store or at the gym. Mr. Right may be looking in their direction.
Step 2:
Touch. Someone interested in you will pretend to “accidentally“ brush something off your sleeve or shoulder. When they laugh, they will lightly touch your arm. If you are sitting down, they may touch your leg. These are all intimate signs that she would like to get to know you better.
Step 3:
Smile and laugh. A smile shows you that they are happy being near you. She will smile at you and laugh at your jokes. A smile shows others that they enjoy being in your presence.
Step 4:
Stroking . She may slowly rub her arm while you are talking. It is a way of saying that she wants to be touched in this way. Or you may notice that she is stroking the stem of a wine glass or rolling an object between her fingers. These are all activities that imitate actions during sex. She is telling you that she desires to stroke you and touch you.
Step 5:
. Grooming. She will run her hands through her hair. She will toss her hair back or twirl it between her fingers. She is telling you that she wants to look her best for you.
Step 6:
Licking their lips. She will slowly lick her lips to bring your attention to them.
Step 7:
Leaning towards you. His body will lean towards you when you are talking. It may begin with the head or he could lean his entire body. This is a sign that he would like to be closer to you. Try leaning towards him. If he leans away from you, he is telling you that he is not comfortable being that close to you and he is not interested. A woman will cross her legs and point one foot your way.
Step 8:
Standing close. He will stand close to you while he is talking. He will enter the comfort zone that we normally keep when we are talking to people. He is telling you he is comfortable being near you and he is preventing others from getting in between the two of you during your conversation.
Tips & Warnings
Have fun in your search for a true love. Don't put so much pressure on finding him. It will happen when you least expect it.
Finding love is a journey that we all embark on. Never give up even if you have had your heart broken a million times. He is out there.
Love like you have never had your heart broken.

Body Language Secrets

We call them secrets because so few people seem to appreciate how important they are to body language. Each of the ten “secrets” listed below deserves a whole section but hopefully this page will provide a basic introduction.

1. Mirroring
This is the technique of consciously using your body language to mirror the subconscious movements and gestures of others - in a way that is subtle and unnoticed at their conscious level. This body language can include gestures, vocal tones, breathing rate, posture, attentiveness and even facial-expressions. It is important that you do not “copy cat” their motions as this will quickly become noticeable. The trick is to use similar body language postures or gestures approximately ten seconds after they have. It is harder to do than it sounds and requires practice to appear casual and natural. Mirroring is an important secret because it occurs naturally when people are building a positive rapport and by deliberately doing it you can send an encouraging message that strengthens the developing relationship.

According to NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) experts, this technique will build trust and liking in the person with whom you are communicating. You can apparently measure the success of your mirroring if, after a while, you introduce gestures that the other person hasn’t used and then they start to subconsciously copy you. It is at this point you can express your own desires and intentions with the greatest likelihood of the other person being agreeable. Both conscious and subconscious mirroring is most often seen in romantic and business situations where the relationship that is being established is fundamental to the success of the endeavour.

(Aquiziam footnote: We decided to test this technique to see if it really worked. We used it in several social situations and deliberately mirrored the actions of people we had just met. In all cases the communication flowed easily and a positive rapport was established. In an equal number of instances we deliberately, but with subtlety, tried to use posture and gestures that were the opposite of those that our test subjects had just used. In all cases the communication was uncomfortable and in four out of five cases the person with whom we were communicating left as soon as they could do so. We realise that our own autosuggestion may have influenced the outcome of the test but it was interesting and seemed to indicate that mirroring does have a definite effect.)

2. Body Form
The shape and condition of your body sends a message whether you want it to or not. It has become so socially and politically “incorrect” to comment or judge people based on their body form that this aspect of non-verbal communication is often ignored in explanations and teaching - but not in reality.

The secret is this: Humans do consciously and subconsciously judge others in this way. Pretending that they don’t won’t make it go away. If you see a very fat person then it is often (but not always) fair to assume that the person probably eats too much and exercises too little. Sometimes these people are very adept at deceiving themselves and others. At some time we’ve all probably heard someone say, “I eat like a bird but the pounds just pile on!” Actually, the truth is that in most cases they do eat like birds – like vultures. What they actually mean is, “I eat like a little bird when other people are watching but on my own I’m happy to eat six pizzas and a whole cake just for lunch.”

Doctors will often admit that they would rather trust what they see in a physical examination rather than what patients tell them. Someone who has well formed muscles and a fit physique probably has self-discipline. Someone who has broad shoulders and a narrow waist is likely to be more confident. Fat people are often physically lazy. Taller people are less likely to exhibit frustration. Of course there are also a lot of myths. There is no evidence that redheads are likely to be more temperamental or that men with heavy eyebrows are untrustworthy. Even so, we still judge people by the way they look. Sometimes the messages change over time. It is true that being overweight did once represent success and wealth when food was scarce and expensive. It is also true that many high-level (successful) company executives do still tend to be overweight. (It’s these damned business lunches!) However, fit and trim is now becoming a greater symbol of success.

3. Personal Body Language / Mood Tells
Some body language is very specific to an individual rather than a group or society. It’s trait that people develop as a response to how they are feeling that has little resemblance to general behaviour. For example; most people are likely to touch their lips or nose when they tell a lie. In the case of a particular boy he would always push his right hand into his back pocket. (Perhaps to stop himself from touching his face?) Once you work out what the body movement means it can become very useful when reading that specific person’s body language. These are often called “Personal Tells”. Almost everyone has them and in most cases we are completely ignorant of their existence as they apply to us personally.

A certain company Chief Executive would always start scratching the tip of his nose if he was irritated by what people were telling him.

A particular woman we know always starts making little sniffing noises if she doesn’t like the food she’s been served in a restaurant.

Perhaps the most unusual example was the case of girl we knew at university. Her boyfriend noticed that whenever she became sexually aroused she would start stroking her left earlobe with the thumb and forefinger of her left hand. Apparently she once said to him: “It’s amazing how you always know when I’m feeling turned-on.” In poker, professionals often study the other players to see if they have personal body language that can be used to “tell” whether they’re holding good or bad cards.

4. Environment and Body Language
Environment has a measurable impact on body language and the way that it is displayed and observed. Dilated pupils are often associated with arousal. However, pupils also dilate when it is dark. It is for this reason that candlelight has become associated with romance. In a study of theatre audiences it was found that actors performed better if the theatre seating was comfortable for the audience. The reason for this was that if the seating was uncomfortable the audience tended to fidget and sit awkwardly. Some even sat in a hostile way with their arms folded. The stage actors could see this negative body language and it impacted on their confidence. Even though the negative body language was irritation with the seating it still had an influence on the rest of the audience and the actors even though it wasn’t aimed at them.

The fact is that people react to their environments by displaying responsive body language. People cross their arms when they are defensive but they also cross them when they are cold. The landlords of pubs and bars know that their guests like to feel comfortable when they go out for a drink. They don’t want to see everyone standing around with their arms crossed. For this reason owners make sure that their bars are “warm and inviting”.

5. Face Maps
Whenever we smile, frown or use some other facial expression the skin on our face moves and compresses into lines (creases). In young people the high elasticity of the skin means that the when the expression changes the lines disappear. However as people get older, and the skin becomes less elastic, wrinkles form and very often these wrinkles are indicators of the facial expressions that a person has used most often. Therefore a woman with vertical mouth creases is likely to have spent a great deal of her life pursing her lips – an expression usually associated with disapproval. A Man with deep wrinkles in his forehead caused by frowning may have spent much of his life worrying. There are literally dozens of wrinkles that can be interpreted by the competent face map reader.

A much guarded secret of fortune tellers is that they can often predict your future – not by looking into a crystal ball – but by looking at the wrinkles on your face. These lines can tell a great deal about your personality and state-of-mind. Thus a person with very distinctive laughter lines around the eyes could be told: “you’ve been happy most of your life and will continue to be.” Reading the lines on a person’s face is difficult as it takes a lot of practice and there is very little written reference material on this subject. We will provide some detailed pages when we’ve done enough research. Still, some of the basics are just commonsense. See the pictures below.





Vertical lip lines - Disaproval (or Smoking)

Classic T-shaped frown lines - Hostillity

Crows feet - Laughter / Smiling


6. Brand Language
Big business has spent literally billions of dollars over the past decades to convince people to buy their products. In many cases they do this by creating brands with which people want to be associated. These brands are said to have values. For a long time Coca-Cola presented its values as “fun and family” while at the same time “Pepsi” was presenting its values as “daring and exciting”. Although people claimed that they chose their preferred cola drink based on flavour, most people were buying based on habit or brand value. The result: American kids bought Pepsi but American moms bought Coca-Cola.

Almost all major high-street brands have values and our choice about which products we buy can be used to better understand our personalities. People who buy Jimmy Choo shoes do so because they are good shoes … but they also choose them over other brands of good shoes because by wearing them they can make a personal statement to others that understand the “shoe fashion code”. The same is true of watches, jewellery, vacuum cleaners, cigarettes, clothes, handbags, pens and very definitely cars. For example; station wagons (estates) are believed to be chosen by practical people – sports cars by the adventurous. There’s a very detailed pseudo-science to this but at a day-to-day level we all make conscious and subconscious decisions about people based on this buying behaviour (and subsequent display of brands) as a source of information input.

7. The Magic of Cloning

Looking like someone famous can have its advantages and at the very least it ensures that you are noticed. When Joanna Lumley played the part of Purdey in the hit 1970’s TV series “The New Avengers” she had a distinctive hairstyle that people of the time had not seen before. It was quickly dubbed the “Purdey Bob” and within weeks’ women all over Britain were having their hair cut in the same style. Princess Diana also had a distinctive hair style that the public loved and it too was a “hit” with women. The truth is that looking like someone famous seems to pass-on some of their celebrity status. It also means that people seem to attribute some of the “talents” that the star might have – either as a character or as a person – to the look-a-like.

In the context of body language it is possible to be perceived in a certain way by resembling a famous character. Over the years many thousands of men have tried to copy the distinctive and sexy Scottish accent of Sean Connery and women have desperately died their hair blonde and straightened it to look like Jenifer Aniston. In fact, at one time – around about 2004 – a man could go to a Manhattan nightclub on any night of the week and be forgiven for thinking that the world had been taken over by aliens who were rapidly turning every female on the planet into a clone of Ms. Aniston.

Here’s the secret … If you wish to be perceived in a certain way then choose a famous personality with the characteristics you desire and find a way to look like them. Try and be realistic. If they’re tall and blond and you’re short and dark you need to find another person to clone. It’s weird and it seems a bit magical but it works. (Try and avoid plastic surgery!)





Stereotyping - The Doctor (Actor)
Stereotyping - The Astronaut (Real)
Commander: Robert Crippen - NASA
Stereotyping - The Fireman (Actor)


8. Selective Stereotyping
There are two parts to this – what to do and what to watch out for. Selective Stereotyping is the typical way most humans react to people that simply look-the-part. For example, you see a man in a white laboratory coat wearing glasses with a stethoscope tucked into his pocket. You automatically think he’s a doctor – somebody you can trust. But what if he isn’t? We tested this aspect of body language.

In November of 2008 one of the team borrowed a white coat and stethoscope and bought a pair of cheap prescription glasses. He then walked into a major public hospital holding a briefcase in one hand and a clipboard of papers in another. No one stopped him. The security guard even smiled and said, “Good evening sir.” Nobody even glanced at his ID card that was clipped to the jacket. If they had they would have discovered that the man was a member of a well known gym. They didn’t check because he looked the part.

Stereotypes are powerful! Firemen, police officers, security guards, doctors, soldiers, corporate executives, teachers, scientists, pilots, nurses, desperate housewives, prostitutes and street bums are just a few examples of people that have stereotypical appearances. Most people will react to you based on the way you appear. The same guy that played the doctor later dressed up like a bum and tried to get into a popular restaurant in London. Naturally, they turned him away. It was the same guy but just a different stereotype.

As humans it is natural for us to believe in the stereotype even though it is clear that this is just the effect of cultural training. Here is a warning. A white coat doesn’t always mean doctor. A short skirt and torn stockings doesn’t always mean prostitute. Here’s the secret: People will react to you based on the stereotype that you present. If you want to be perceived in a certain way then be prepared to play the part. In reality, everyone is an actor to some degree.

9. Body Signs
Bags under your eyes, purple nails, moles, hair condition, skin colour, baldness, dermatitis, acne, favouring, and skin tone are all body signs. These things are the signs that tell doctors, and everybody else, about our general physical condition.

The secret is that this is body language at its most basic and, as such, often overlooked. All of these “indicators” are telling other people about us. A pallid skin colour may mean too much time indoors. (Writing for Aquiziam) Purple toes or finger nails may indicate poor circulation. Favouring one leg over the other or limping may indicate bone disease or injury. Bags under the eyes may mean lack of sleep. Gout may well indicate excessive alcohol consumption. Our bodies are advertisements to our lifestyles and our health. At a conscious and subconscious level they are noted by other people. It is therefore human nature to try and hide them. Makeup hides acne, Botox hides skin aging and cucumber pads will even temporarily shrink bags under the eyes. It is important not to jump to conclusions but it is equally important to pay attention to yourself and others.

It is possible to learn a great deal about a person by simply observing the signs in an objective way. Here is a good example. After years of working in a very stressful environment employees of a senior vice president noticed that whenever he became angry the pupil of one eye would grow large (dilate) and the other would stay small (contracted). Over time he seemed to become increasingly irrational in his decision making. Finally some brave person mentioned the “eye thing” to him and he had it checked out. The doctors found a brain tumour. He’s fine now … thanks to the way that his body advertised that it had a problem. We’ve used medical examples but it applies to many other areas as well. The trick is to look beyond the obvious and what we are used to seeing. With practice it is possible to see what others can’t. (Please note, this is not medical advice. If anything that you have read (or seen) has caused you concern then please consult a fully qualified medical practitioner.)





Bags Under The Eyes
(Lack of Sleep / Smoking / Genetic)

Pink / Purple Nails
(Diabetes / Cardiovascular)

Poor Skin Tone
(Age / Alcohol / Rapid Weight Loss)


10. Contagious Body Language

Studies done on the “mirroring effect” have clearly shown that people will often subconsciously duplicate the body language of others in a one-to-one interaction. However a similar effect occurs in groups. If you are in a crowd where lots of people are laughing then you are much more likely to laugh too. If you go into a room where people are standing with their arms folded in a hostile way then you may feel defensive and cross your arms as well. The secret is that the more a group displays a certain type of body language the more likely it is that they will reinforce each other’s perceptions and physical behaviour. This is a critical component of communication with very practical applications. For example: If you wish to enjoy an evening of romance you are more likely to be successful in a place where other people are also displaying courtship behaviour. This is because their body language is contagious. To see the proof of this just visualise sports matches, parties, riots, nightclubs and protest marches. The most obvious example is clapping – one person starts it and then suddenly you’re clapping too. The more people that clap the more likely it is that you will join in.

The Scent of Attraction

Not all body language is about what you see – it’s about what you touch and, very importantly, about what you smell. There’s two parts to this …

A) Pheromones: This is still a hotly debated subject but here are the basics. Pheromones are airborne chemical signals (scents) that are produced by one creature and cause a compulsive and instinctive reaction in another of the same species. A very common pheromone is one that triggers a sexual interest reaction. It is believed that humans do produce and react to pheromones but the scientific evidence is sketchy. One anecdotal, but strong, case for the power of pheromones is the dance floor. When a large group of people get together in an energetic and enclosed area there is also a dramatic rise in sexual awareness. This may be caused by the concentration of pheromones in the air. In our hygiene focused world the idea that sweat and body odour can be appealing is surprising but there is a lot of evidence to suggest that a little can be. Eight out of ten women said they were most attracted to their partner after he had worked out and then had a quick shower. This makes sense as he would be both clean (very important) but still scented with Pheromones. The same number of men said they were often very aroused by a woman who had just worked out whether she had showered or not. We’re not sure about this but it does bear thinking about.


B) Good Smells and Bad Smells: The perfume industry worldwide is huge. This alone should be proof of the importance of smelling right. The human body produces a vast range of smells and some add to attraction but many can have the opposite effect. The Bad smells are usually anything that is associated with illness, poor hygiene or filth. For example, smelly feet indicate athlete’s foot disease. Bad breath indicates possible tooth decay and long-term sweat may indicate poor personal hygiene. Humans are consciously aware that most diseases can now be controlled or cured but subconsciously they remain terrified of them. Smoking, stale coffee, oily hair, alcohol, wet clothes and skin oils can all create unpleasant and unattractive odors. The first rule is to eliminate them.

Good smells are those that suggest cleanliness, health and comfort but are not so strong as to be overpowering. Light perfumes for women – heavier musk perfumes for men. Fresh smelling clothes and lightly scented hair are good. Comfort smells are those that people associated with good things and make people relaxed and open. Apples, cinnamon, fresh mown grass and vanilla are all good examples. One woman we know claims that she always dabs a hint of chocolate essence on her neck as well as her perfume and claims it works wonders. (Who knows she could be right.)

The basic rule is this: A bad smell is very bad and is a big turn-off. A good smell won’t draw the opposite sex compulsively to you but it will send the right message

Folded arm gestures

Hiding behind a barrier is a normal human response that we learn at an early age to
protect ourselves. As children, we hid behind solid objects such as tables, chairs,
furniture and mother’s skirts whenever we found ourselves in a threatening situation.
As we grew older, this hiding behaviour became more sophisticated and by the age of
about six, when it was unacceptable behaviour to hide behind solid objects, we learned
to fold our arms tightly across our chests whenever a threatening situation arose.
During our teens, we learned to make this crossed-arms gesture a little less obvious by
relaxing our arms a little and combining the gesture with crossed legs.
As we grow older, we develop the arm crossing gesture to the point where it has
become less obvious to others. By folding one or both arms across the chest, a barrier is
formed that is, in essence, at attempt to block out the impending threat or undesirable
circumstances. One thing is certain; when a person has a nervous, negative or defensive
attitude, he will fold his arms firmly on his chest, a strong signal that he feels
threatened.
Research conducted into the folded arm position in the United States has shown
some interesting results. A group of students was asked to attend a series of lectures and
each student was instructed to keep his legs uncrossed, arms unfolded and to take a
casual, relaxed sitting position. At the end of the lectures each student was tested on his
retention and knowledge of the subject matter and his attitude toward the lecturer was
recorded. A second group of students was put through the same process, but these
students were instructed to keep their arms tightly folded across their chests throughout
the lectures. The results showed that the group with the folded arms had learned and
retained 38 per cent less than the group who kept its arms unfolded. The second group
also had a more critical opinion of the lectures and of the lecturer.
These tests reveal that, when the listener folds his arms, not only has he more
negative thoughts about the speaker, but he is also paying less attention to what is being
said. It is for this reason that training centres should have chairs with arms to allow the
attendees to leave their arms uncrossed.
Many people claim that they habitually take the arms folded position because it is
comfortable. Any gesture will feel comfortable when you have the corresponding
attitude; that is, if you have a negative, defensive or nervous attitude, the folded arms
position will feel good.
Remember that in non-verbal communication, the meaning of the message is also in
the receiver, not only the sender. You may feel ‘comfortable’ with your arms crossed or
your back and neck stiffened, but studies have shown that the reception of these
gestures is negative.

Standard Arm-Cross Gesture
Both arms are folded together across the chest as an attempt to ‘hide’ from an
unfavourable situation. There are many arm-folding positions, but this book will
discuss the three most common ones. The standard arm-cross gesture is a
universal gesture signifying the same defensive or negative attitude almost everywhere.
It is commonly seen when a person is among strangers in public meetings, queues,
cafeterias, elevators or anywhere that people feel uncertain or insecure.
During a recent lecture tour in the United States, I opened one particular meeting by
deliberately defaming the character of several highly respected men who were
well-known to the seminar audience and who were attending the conference.
Immediately following the verbal attack, the members of the audience were asked to
hold the positions and gestures they had taken. They were all quite amused when I
pointed out that about 90 per cent of them had taken the folded arms position
immediately after my verbal attack began. This clearly shows that most people will take
an arms folded position when they disagree with what they are hearing. Many public
speakers have failed to communicate their message to the audience because they have
not seen the folded arms gestures of their listeners. Experienced speakers know that this
gesture demonstrates the necessity of using a good ‘ice breaker’ to move the audience
into a more receptive posture that will alter the listeners’ attitude towards the speaker.
When you see the arm-cross gesture occur during a face-to-face encounter, it is
reasonable to assume that you may have said something with which the other person
disagrees, so it may be pointless continuing your line of argument even though the other
person may be verbally agreeing with you. The fact is that the non-verbal medium does
not lie -the verbal medium does. Your objective at this point should be to try to discover
the cause of the arms-folded gesture and to move the person into a more receptive
position. Remember: as long as the arms-folded gesture remains, the negative attitude
will remain. The attitude causes the gestures to occur and prolonging the gesture forces
the attitude to remain.

This moves him into a more open posture and attitude. Asking the person to lean
forward to look at a visual presentation can also be an effective means of opening the
folded-arms position. Another useful method is to lean forward with your palms facing
up and say, ‘I can see you have a question, what would you like to know?’ or, ‘What do
you think?’ and then sit back to indicate that it is the other person’s turn to speak. By
leaving your palms visible you non-verbally tell the other person that you would like an
open, honest answer. As a salesman, I would never proceed with the presentation of my
product until I had uncovered the prospective buyer’s reason for suddenly folding his
arms. More often than not, I discovered that the buyer had a hidden objection that most
other sales people might never have discovered because they missed seeing the buyer’s
non-verbal signal that he was negative about some aspect of the sales presentation.

Reinforced Arm-Cross
If as well as the full arm-cross gesture the person has clenched fists, it indicates a
hostile and defensive attitude. This cluster is often combined with clenched teeth and
red face, in which case a verbal or physical attack may be imminent. A submissive
palms-up approach is needed to discover what caused the hostile gestures if the reason
is not already apparent. The person using this gesture cluster has an attacking attitude,

Arm Gripping Gesture
You will notice that this arm-cross gesture is characterised by the hands tightly
gripping the upper arms to reinforce the position and to stop any attempt to unfold the
arms and expose the body. The arms can often be gripped so tight that the fingers and
knuckles turn white as the blood circulation is cut off. This arm-fold style is common to
people sitting in doctors’ and dentists’ waiting-rooms, or first-time air travellers who
are waiting for the plane to lift off. It shows a negative restrained attitude.
In a lawyer’s office the prosecutor may be seen using a fists-clenched arm-cross
while the defence may have taken the arm-gripping position.
Status can influence arm-folding gestures. A superior type can make his superiority
felt in the presence of persons he has just met by not folding his arms. Say, for example,
that at a company social function, the general manager is introduced to several new
employees whom he has not met. Having greeted them with a dominant handshake, he
stands at the social distance from the new employees with his hands by his side, behind
his back in the superior palm-in-palm position or with one hand in his
pocket. He rarely folds his arms to show the slightest hint of nervousness. Conversely,
after shaking hands with the boss, the new employees take full or partial arm-fold
gestures because of their apprehension about being in the presence of the company’s
top man. Both the general manager and the new employees feel comfortable with their
respective gestures as each, is signalling his status relative to the other. But what
happens when the general manager meets a young, up-and-coming executive who is
also a superior type and who may even feel that he is as important as the general
manager? The likely outcome is that after the two give each other a dominant
handshake, the young executive will take an arm-fold gesture with both thumbs
pointing vertically upwards . This gesture is the defensive version of both
arms being held horizontally in front of the body with both thumbs up to show that the
user is ‘cool’, a gesture characterised by Henry Winkler who played the Fonz in the
television series Happy Days. The thumbs-up gesture is our way of showing that we
have a self-confident attitude and the folded arms give a feeling of protection.
Sales people need to analyse why a buyer may have taken this gesture to know
whether their approach is effective. If the thumbs-up gesture has come towards the end
of the sales presentation and is combined with many other positive gestures used by the
buyer, the sales person can move comfortably into closing the sale and asking for the
order. If, on the other hand, at the close of the sale the buyer moves into the
fist-clenched arm cross position and has a poker face, the sales person can
be inviting disastrous consequences by attempting to ask for the order. Instead it is
better if he quickly goes back to his sales presentation and asks more questions to try to
discover the buyer’s objection. In selling, if the buyer verbalises, ‘No’, it can become
difficult to change his decision. The ability to read body language allows you to see the
negative decision before it is verbalised and gives you time to take an alternative course
of action.
People who carry weapons or wear armour rarely use defensive arm-fold gestures
because their weapon or armour provides sufficient body protection. Police officers
who wear guns, for example, rarely fold their arms unless they are standing guard and
they normally use the fist-clenched position to show quite clearly that nobody is
permitted to pass where they stand.

PARTIAL ARM-CROSS BARRIERS
The full arm-cross gesture is sometimes too obvious to use around others because it
tells them that we are fearful. Occasionally we substitute a subtler version - the partial
arm cross, in which one arm swings across the body to hold or touch the other arm to
form the barrier, The partial arm barrier is often seen at meetings where a person may be a stranger to
the group or is lacking in self-confidence. Another popular version of a partial arm
barrier is holding hands with oneself ,a gesture commonly used by people
who stand before a crowd to receive an award or give a speech. Desmond Morris says
that this gesture allows a person to relive the emotional security that he experienced as a
child when his parent held his hand under fearful circumstances.

DISGUISED ARM-CROSS GESTURES
Disguised arm-cross gestures are highly sophisticated gestures used by people who
are continually exposed to others. This group includes politicians, sales people,
television personalities and the like who do not want their audience to detect that they
are unsure of themselves or nervous. Like all arm-cross gestures, one arm swings across
in front of the body to grasp the other arm but instead of the arms folding, one hand
touches a handbag, bracelet, watch, shirt cuff or other object on or near the other arm. Once again the barrier is formed and the secure feeling is achieved. When
cufflinks were popular, men were often seen adjusting them as they crossed a room or
dance floor where they were in full view of others. As cufflinks lost their popularity, a
man would adjust the band on his watch, check the contents of his wallet, clasp or rub
his hands together, play with a button on his cuff or use any other gesture that would
allow the arms to cross in front of the body. To the trained observer, however, these
gestures are a dead giveaway because they achieve no real purpose except as an attempt
to disguise nervousness. A good place to observe these gestures is anywhere that people
walk past a group of onlookers, such as a young man who crosses the dance floor to ask
an attractive young lady to dance with him or someone crossing an open room to
receive a trophy.
Women are less obvious than men in their use of disguised arm barrier gestures
because they can grasp such things as handbags or purses when they become unsure of
themselves . One of the most common versions of this is holding a glass of
beer or wine with two hands. Did it ever occur to you that you need only one hand to
hold a glass of wine? The use of two hands allows the nervous person to form an almost
undetectable arm barrier. Having observed people using disguised arm barrier signals
on many occasions, we have found that these gestures are used by almost everyone.
Many well-known figures in society also use disguised barrier signals in tense
situations and are usually completely unaware that they are doing so

Practising the Fake Smile

As we've said, most people can't consciously differentiate
between a fake smile and a real one, and most of us are
content if someone is simply smiling at us — regardless of
whether it's real or false. Because smiling is such a disarming
gesture, most people wrongly assume that it's a favourite of
liars. Research by Paul Ekman showed that when people deliberately
lie, most, especially men, smile less than they usually
do. Ekman believes this is because liars realise that most
people associate smiling with lying so they intentionally
decrease their smiles. A liar's smile comes more quickly than a
genuine smile and is held much longer, almost as if the liar is
wearing a mask.
A false smile often appears stronger on one side of the face than the other, as both sides of the brain attempt to make it
appear genuine. The half of the brain's cortex that specialises
in facial expressions is in the right hemisphere and sends
signals mainly to the left side of the body. As a result, false
facial emotions are more pronounced on the left side of the
face than the right. In a real smile, both brain hemispheres
instruct each side of the face to act with symmetry.

Smugglers Smile Less
We were commissioned by Australian Customs, in 1986, to
help create a programme to increase the number of seizures of
illegal contraband and drugs being smuggled into Australia-
Until that time, it had been assumed by law enforcement officers
that liars increased their frequency of smiling when they
were lying or under pressure. Our analysis of film of people
who were intentionally told to lie showed the opposite - when
the liars lied, they smiled less or not at all, regardless of
culture. People who were innocent and telling the truth
increased their smiling frequency when being honest. Because
smiling is rooted in submission, the innocent people were
attempting to appease their accusers while the professional
liars were reducing their smiles and other body signals. It's the

Smiling Is a Submission Signal

Smiling and laughing are universally considered to be signals
that show a person is happy. We cry at birth, begin smiling at
five weeks and laughing starts between the fourth and fifth
months. Babies quickly learn that crying gets our attention -
and that smiling keeps us there. Recent research with our
closest primate cousins, the chimpanzees, has shown that
smiling serves an even deeper, more primitive purpose.
To show they're aggressive, apes bare their lower fangs,
warning that they can bite. Humans do exactly the same thing
when they become aggressive by dropping or thrusting
forward the lower lip because its main function is as a sheath
to conceal the lower teeth. Chimpanzees have two types of
smiles: one is an appeasement face, where one chimp shows
submission to a dominant other. In this chimp smile - known
as a 'fear face' - the lower jaw opens to expose the teeth and
the corners of the mouth are pulled back and down, and this
resembles the human smile.
The other is a 'play face' where the teeth are exposed, the
corners of the mouth and the eyes are drawn upwards and
vocal sounds are made, similar to that of human laughing. In
both cases, these smiles are used as submission gestures. The
first communicates 'I am not a threat because, as you can see,
I'm fearful of you' and the other says 'I am not a threat
because, as you can see, I'm just like a playful child'. This is the
same face pulled by a chimpanzee that is anxious or fearful
that it may be attacked or injured by others. The zygomatics
pull the corners of the mouth back horizontally or downwards
and the orbicularis eye muscles don't move. And it's the same
nervous smile used by a person who steps onto a busy road and
almost gets killed by a bus. Because it's a fear reaction, they
smile and say, 'Gee...I almost got killed!'
In humans, smiling serves much the same purpose as with
other primates. It tells another person you are non-threatening
and asks them to accept you on a personal level. Lack of
smiling explains why many dominant individuals, such as
Vladimir Putin, James Cagney, Clint Eastwood, Margaret
Thatcher and Charles Bronson, always seem to look grumpy
or aggressive and are rarely seen smiling - they simply don't
want to appear in any way submissive.
And research in courtrooms shows that an apology offered
with a smile incurs a lesser penalty than an apology without
one. So Grandma was right.

Intentional Use of the Palms to Deceive

Some people ask, 'If I tell a lie and keep my palms visible, will
people be more likely to believe me?' The answer is yes - and no.
If you tell an outright lie with your palms exposed, you might
still appear insincere to your listeners because many of the other
gestures that should also be visible when displaying honesty are
absent and the negative gestures used during lying will appear
and will be incongruent with the open palms. Con artists and
professional liars are people who have developed the special art
of making their non-verbal signals complement their verbal lies.
The more effectively the professional con artist can use the body
language of honesty when telling a lie, the better he is at his job.
Will you still love me when I'm old and grey?' she asked, palms
visible.'Not only will I love you,' he replied, 'I'll write to you.'

Palm Power
One of the least noticed, but most powerful, body signals is
given by the human palm when giving someone directions or
commands and in handshaking. When used in a certain way,
Palm Power invests its user with the power of silent authority.
There are three main palm command gestures: the Palm-Up
position, the Palm-Down position and the Palm-Closed- i
Finger-Pointed position. The differences of the three positions
are shown in this example: let's say that you ask someone to
pick up something and carry it to another location. We'll
assume that you use the same tone of voice, the same words
and facial expressions in each example, and that you change
only the position of your palm.
The palm facing up is used as a submissive, non-threatening
gesture, reminiscent of the pleading gesture of a street beggar
and, from an evolutionary perspective, shows the person holds
no weapons. The person being asked to move the item will not
feel they are being pressured into it and are unlikely to feel
threatened by your request. If you want someone to talk you
can use the Palm-Up as a 'handover' gesture to let them know
you expect them to talk and that you're ready to listen.
The Palm-Up gesture became modified over the centuries
and gestures like the Single-Palm-Raised-in-the-Air, the Palm-
Over-tbe-Heart and many other variations developed.

Female Body Language

Understanding a woman's emotions is always tough for men. With body language knowledge, however, things can become a bit easier. Men often take a lively interest in female body language. It is one of the most perplexing things for them. The suggestions given here will help them read her body language effectively and unfold all her mysteries.


Tips and Ideas for Female Body Language
• If a woman tries to grab your attention, then it clearly indicates that she is interested in you.
• If a woman sits pointing her foot or leg in your direction, then she has soft feelings for you.


• When a female keeps tossing her hair, it indicates that she is interested in you.
• If a woman fondles her jewelry while conversing with you, she is perhaps in love with you.
• When both of you are talking or drinking and she is looking at you constantly, it signifies love. A long eye contact is a great clue of love.


• When you stare at her and she smiles, according to female body language, it is love.





• If a woman asks everything about you, then she is certainly interested in you.
• If she starts a conversation with you, then according to female body language she might be interested in you.
• When a woman smiles at you, it shows friendliness and openness. Do not get carried away with her friendly gesture and think it to be love.

How Fortune-Tellers Know So Much

If you've ever visited a fortune teller you probably came away
amazed at the things they knew about you — things no one else
could possibly have known — so it must be ESP, right? Research
into the fortune-telling business shows that operators use a
technique known as 'cold reading' which can produce an accuracy
of around 80% when 'reading' a person you've never met.
While it can appear to be magical to naïve and vulnerable
people, it is simply a process based on the careful observation
of body language signals plus an understanding of human
nature and a knowledge of probability statistics. It's a technique
practised by psychics, tarot card readers, astrologists
and palm readers to gather information about a 'client'. Many
'cold readers' are largely unaware of their abilities to read nonverbal
signals and so also become convinced that they really
must have 'psychic' abilities. This all adds to a convincing performance,
bolstered by the fact that people who regularly visit
'psychics' go with positive expectations of the outcome.
Throw in a set of tarot cards, a crystal ball or two and a bit of
theatre, and the stage is perfectly set for a body-languagereading
session that can convince even the most hardened
sceptic that strange, magical forces must be at work. It all boils
down to the reader's ability to decode a person's reactions to
statements made and to questions asked, and by information
gathered from simple observation about a person's appearance.
Most 'psychics' are female because, as women, as
discussed previously, they have the extra brain wiring to allow
them to read the body signals of babies and to read others'
emotional condition.
The fortune-teller gazed into her crystal ball and then
started laughing uncontrollably. So John punched her on the
nose. It was the first time he'd ever struck a happy medium.
To demonstrate the point, here now is a psychic reading for
you personally. Imagine you've come to a dimly lit, smokefilled
room where a jewel-encrusted psychic wearing a turban
is seated at a low, moon-shaped table with a crystal ball:
I'm glad you've come to this session and I can see you have
things that are troubling you because I am receiving strong
signals from you. I sense that the things you really want out
of life sometimes seem unrealistic and you often wonder
whether you can achieve them. I also sense that at times you
are friendly, social and outgoing to others, but that at other
times you are withdrawn, reserved and cautious. You take
pride in being an independent thinker but also know not to
accept what you see and hear from others, without proof. You
like change and variety but become restless if controlled by
restrictions and routine. You want to share your innermost
feelings with those closest to you but have found it unwise to
be too open and revealing. A man in your life with the initial
'S' is exerting a strong influence over you right now and a
woman who is born in November will contact you in the next
month with an exciting offer. While you appear disciplined
and controlled on the outside, you tend to be concerned and
worried on the inside and at times you wonder whether or not
you have made the right choice or decision.
So how did we go? Did we read you accurately? Studies show
that the information in this 'reading' is more than 80% accurate
for any person reading it. Throw in an excellent ability to
read body language postures, facial expressions and a person's
other twitches and movements, plus dim lighting, weird music
and a stick of incense, and we guarantee you can even amaze
the dog! We won't encourage you to become a fortune-teller
but you'll soon be able to read others as accurately as they do.

How Body Language Reveals Emotions and thoughts

Body language is an outward reflection of a person's emotional
condition. Each gesture or movement can be a valuable
key to an emotion a person may be feeling at the time. For
example, a man who is self-conscious about gaining weight
may tug at the fold of skin under his chin; the woman who is
aware of extra pounds on her thighs may smooth her dress
down; the person who is feeling fearful or defensive might fold
their arms or cross their legs or both; and a man talking with
a large-breasted woman may consciously avoid staring at her
breasts while, at the same time, unconsciously use groping gestures
with his hands.
The key to reading body language is being able to understand
a person's emotional condition while listening to what they are
saying and noting the circumstances under which they are
saying it. This allows you to separate fact from fiction and
reality from fantasy. In recent times, we humans have had an
obsession with the spoken word and our ability to be conversationalists.
Most people, however, are remarkably unaware of
body language signals and their impact, despite the fact that
we now know that most of the messages in any face-to-face
conversation are revealed through body signals. For example,
France's President Chirac, USA's President Ronald Reagan and
Australia's Prime Minister Bob Hawke all used their hands to
reveal the relative sizes of issues in their mind. Bob Hawke
once defended pay increases for politicians by comparing their
salaries to corporate executive salaries. He claimed that executive
salaries had risen by a huge amount and that proposed
politicians' increases were relatively smaller. Each time he
mentioned politicians' incomes, he held his hands a yard (1m)
apart. When he mentioned executive salaries, however, he held
them only a foot (30cm) apart. His hand distances revealed
that he felt politicians were getting a much better deal than he
was prepared to admit.

How Well Can You Spot Body Language Contradictions?

People everywhere have developed a fascination with the body
language of politicians because everyone knows that politicians
sometimes pretend to believe in something that they
don't believe in, or infer that they are someone other than who
they really are. Politicians spend much of their time ducking,
dodging, avoiding, pretending, lying, hiding their emotions
and feelings, using smokescreens or mirrors and waving to
imaginary friends in the crowd. But we instinctively know that
they will eventually be tripped up by contradictory body language
signals, so we love to watch them closely, in anticipation
of catching them out.
What signal alerts you that a politician is lying?
His lips are moving.
For another television show, we conducted an experiment with
the co-operation of a local tourist bureau. Tourists entered the
bureau to ask for information about local sightseeing and
other tourist attractions. They were directed to a counter
where they spoke with a tourism officer, a man with blond
hair, a moustache, wearing a white shirt and tie. After a few
minutes discussing possible itineraries, the man bent down out
of sight below the counter to get some brochures. Then,
another man with a clean-shaven face, dark hair and wearing
a blue shirt appeared from beneath the counter holding the
brochures. He continued the discussion from exactly where the
first man had left off. Remarkably, around half the tourists
failed to notice the change and men were twice as likely as
women to completely miss the change, not only in body language
but in the appearance of a completely new person!
Unless you have an innate ability or have learned to read body
language, the chances are you're missing most of it too. This
book will show you what you've been missing.

Body language in business

Did you know that body language
accounts for over 55% of a conversation!

COMPONENTS

Posture
Gestures
Facial Expression
Eye Contact



POSTURE
"Your posture may show how you will approach a situation“
It is the natural alignment of your head and body without the use of tension.


IMPORTANT GESTURES
A simple touch of the nose could mean that you/they aren't being truthful.
If you want to look powerful, then you should try to keep your head movements to a minimum.
Folding your arms may look as if you are trying to defend yourself and will look bad to the other person.


FACIAL EXPRESSIONS
A simple smile can make others feel more at ease where a frown can make people see that you are aggressive or unsure of something.

We use facial expressions to get our points across in the right context.

Your message would suffer if you were saying how angry you are with a huge smile.


EYE CONTACT
Maintaining eye contact when talking (or listening) to someone gives an impression that you/they are confident and honest.

"Making little eye contact can say
that the other person doesn't like you“




Most people can't keep eye contact when they are bending the truth.

 Blinking less also gives an image of confidence.