Create Your Ideal Relationship

Things You’ll Need:

Yourself
Your sweetheart

Step 1:
Assume nothing; envision everything. Do not assume that there is only one or two (or ten!) ways to have a relationship. There are infinite ways to relate and conduct a romantic partnership. Envision the possibilities!
Step 2:
Keep your eyes on your prize. Just as you must never compare your one-of-a-kind self to another, you must never compare your one-of-a-kind relationship to another. Every relationship--whether a monogamous union or an open partnership--is unique to the individuals who inhabit it. Besides, you can never really know what’s going on in somebody else’s relationship. Instead of focusing on the relationship of Ingrid and Jose from across the street (or for that matter, Brad and Angelina from Hollywood), focus your relationship and what you can do to ensure it is as healthy as it can be for you and your partner.
Step 3:
Speak your deepest truth. Revealing your desires can be scary when those desires seem to waiver from the generally accepted truth about the way a relationship should look. You may worry that your partner will reject you if your ideals fall far outside the mainstream. If you are ever to have the type of relationship you truly desire, however, you must honestly express what that ideal relationship means for you.
Step 4:
Encourage your partner to share his or her deepest truth. Ask your partner, “What is your ideal relationship?” Do not assume that you already know the answer. And don’t freak out if the answer turns out to be different from what you expected to hear. Differences needn’t break a relationship if you address those differences with compassionate creativity.
Step 5:
Seek relationship role models. Oprah Winfrey and Stedman Graham aren’t married. Neither are Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. Filmmaker Tim Burton and his wife Helena Bonham Carter are married with one child, yet live in separate houses next door to each other. It isn’t just famous couples approaching relationships in creative ways, so keep your eyes out for relationships you admire.
Step 6:
Hold onto the big things, let go of the small things. An ideal relationship supports your spirit on a fundamental level. An ideal relationship allows you to be yourself completely. An ideal relationship feels like home. Know what basic elements need to make this your reality--and let everything else go.
Step 7:
Trust that you will have the relationship you desire. For many years I only seemed to meet and date men who thought my version of an ideal relationship was eccentric and bizarre. Eventually I met a man who, when I confessed my “quirky” ideas about love and partnership, said, “That sounds great!”
Step 8:
Ignore skeptics. People love to criticize, analyze and characterize anybody with an idea outside the mainstream. People will say that you have commitment issues, that you are selfish and immature. They will tell you to grow up. They will assert that if you and your partner do not get married then you don’t really love one another. They will make you believe that if you don’t wed and raise a family then you will be lonely all your life and die alone in a gutter. These ideas are ridiculous. Your reality will be what you make it. Always trust your deepest voice.

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