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Wednesday, 18 November 2009
How fast can you really size up a partner?
You walk into a party and head for the bar. Suddenly someone is beside you, offering to get you a drink. You begin to talk. Almost immediately you're struck by the eerie feeling that you may have just found Mr. Right. But that's crazy, isn't it? Or is it? Can a person really know something this life-changing so fast?
Yes. We are built to instantly size up a potential partner, an intuitive skill that likely developed millions of years ago as our forebears struggled to rapidly sort friends from enemies. And while today we may not need to protect ourselves with a strong, virile mate, we regularly make up our minds about whether an individual could be an appropriate match within the first three minutes of talking to him (or her).
Indeed, it takes less than one second to decide whether you find someone physically attractive. Too short, too tall, too old, too young, too scruffy, or too scrubbed—he's out. If, however, he fits your general concept of Adonis, your mind races toward the next checkpoint: voice. Once again, you respond in seconds. Women typically regard rapid talkers as more educated and men with full, deep voices as better-looking than they are. Next: his words. We like people who use the same kinds of words we use. We are also drawn to those who have a similar degree of intelligence, share our religious and social values, and come from the same economic background—and we quickly determine these attributes from a man's words (not to mention how he dresses and wears his hair, whether he's carrying a briefcase or a soccer ball, and if he's sporting a gold watch or a tattoo).
But can this handsome, deep-voiced, well-dressed stranger give you what you need? Even on the bigger questions, we often form an opinion within the first three minutes if the conversation turns to, say, politics or kids. So when you do feel an immediate click, go ahead and trust your instincts.
Still, love at first sight doesn't happen to everyone. In one survey by Ayala Malach-Pines, PhD, of Ben-Gurion University in Israel, only 11 percent of the 493 respondents said their long-term relationships started that way. As for the rest of us? Psychologists say that the more you interact with a person you like (even slightly), the more you come to regard him as good-looking, smart, and similar to you—unless you discover something that breaks the spell. So it's wise to hang in for a second meeting. It can take years sometimes for two people to fully appreciate each other. But whether it's love at first sight or love in hindsight, those first three minutes are essential for romance.
Act friendly regardless of her mood. Even if you nearly get your head bitten off, putting your best foot forward can never come back to haunt you. Other co-workers will take notice and you won't run the risk of becoming known as the rigid snob at the office.
Remind yourself that your co-worker's mood more than likely has nothing to do with you. If the person at work is especially moody, do your best to stay out of the line of fire until he has had time to calm down. The problem might be less severe if you wait until the next day or the next week to interact with him again.
Find out what's wrong, if the moodiness hasn't always been your co-worker's personality trait. Sometimes a person might just be waiting for someone to ask what her problem is so she can share it. Though this won't always help, it can begin to smooth things over with a person who is just going through a rough time.
Let it out when appropriate. Even if you do your best to downplay an uncomfortable situation, you might still be steaming on the inside (and rightfully so). Don't create more of a problem by bashing the moody co-worker to anyone who will listen. However a certain amount of venting your frustrations to a close friend, close co-worker or your spouse can do your temperament a world of good.
Things You’ll Need:
Assume nothing; envision everything. Do not assume that there is only one or two (or ten!) ways to have a relationship. There are infinite ways to relate and conduct a romantic partnership. Envision the possibilities!
Keep your eyes on your prize. Just as you must never compare your one-of-a-kind self to another, you must never compare your one-of-a-kind relationship to another. Every relationship--whether a monogamous union or an open partnership--is unique to the individuals who inhabit it. Besides, you can never really know what’s going on in somebody else’s relationship. Instead of focusing on the relationship of Ingrid and Jose from across the street (or for that matter, Brad and Angelina from Hollywood), focus your relationship and what you can do to ensure it is as healthy as it can be for you and your partner.
Speak your deepest truth. Revealing your desires can be scary when those desires seem to waiver from the generally accepted truth about the way a relationship should look. You may worry that your partner will reject you if your ideals fall far outside the mainstream. If you are ever to have the type of relationship you truly desire, however, you must honestly express what that ideal relationship means for you.
Encourage your partner to share his or her deepest truth. Ask your partner, “What is your ideal relationship?” Do not assume that you already know the answer. And don’t freak out if the answer turns out to be different from what you expected to hear. Differences needn’t break a relationship if you address those differences with compassionate creativity.
Seek relationship role models. Oprah Winfrey and Stedman Graham aren’t married. Neither are Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. Filmmaker Tim Burton and his wife Helena Bonham Carter are married with one child, yet live in separate houses next door to each other. It isn’t just famous couples approaching relationships in creative ways, so keep your eyes out for relationships you admire.
Hold onto the big things, let go of the small things. An ideal relationship supports your spirit on a fundamental level. An ideal relationship allows you to be yourself completely. An ideal relationship feels like home. Know what basic elements need to make this your reality--and let everything else go.
Trust that you will have the relationship you desire. For many years I only seemed to meet and date men who thought my version of an ideal relationship was eccentric and bizarre. Eventually I met a man who, when I confessed my “quirky” ideas about love and partnership, said, “That sounds great!”
Ignore skeptics. People love to criticize, analyze and characterize anybody with an idea outside the mainstream. People will say that you have commitment issues, that you are selfish and immature. They will tell you to grow up. They will assert that if you and your partner do not get married then you don’t really love one another. They will make you believe that if you don’t wed and raise a family then you will be lonely all your life and die alone in a gutter. These ideas are ridiculous. Your reality will be what you make it. Always trust your deepest voice.
When is comes to a woman's physical attractiveness, men pay attention. Men want someone with them that they find good-looking for a number of reasons; one reason is that they want to show off their woman to other men. It feeds their ego when they have a physically attractive woman on their arm. Men are attracted to women with physical traits that suggest she is healthy, such as long and beautiful hair, a bright smile with white teeth, a narrow waist, a clear complexion and a healthy weight.
Men want to eventually find that special someone with whom they can grow old. Truthfully, they want a woman who is reminiscent of their mother (in certain aspects): someone who can create home-cooked meals, take care of household duties and nurture them. They also want a woman who is sexy, positive, kind, smart and driven, someone who doesn't complain or nag and who wakes up in the morning already gorgeous. They want a woman who is rational and who will be their cheerleader, who will support them throughout their lives while also being their intellectual equal. Men also want someone who will love them for who they are in spite of their flaws. Men basically want the same thing women want, which is to be loved.
Men want to be a part of a woman's life---not all of it. Men want women who have their own thing going on. Women who have friends, a job, family obligations, and daily routines are attractive to men because it shows them that she is capable of running her own life. If a woman has nothing going on and her life revolves around her man than he will feel pressure and a sense of being trapped. Ambition is also attractive to men. A woman who is striving to reach her goals and who works hard is very sexy. It shows that she is not just floating through life waiting around for a man to provide for her. Additionally, a woman who is fit and concerned about her health is very sought-after because such concerns display that she wants to look good and that she cares about herself, which is also sexy.
One of the most critical aspects of telesales is your voice when dealing with prospective buyers. Sales is a tough field and you may become discouraged when your sales are down. However, it is important that you do not project this emotion into your voice. The last thing a prospective buyer wants to hear is a morose telesales representative--this gives him no incentive to buy from you. Project warmth and enthusiasm. Greet him pleasantly but professionally. He should hear your smile through the phone and your passion for the product you are selling.
Prepare your selling strategy before making the call, and prepare for each gatekeeper you may have to encounter before you are transferred to the appropriate party. Be amiable while introducing yourself and politely state why you are calling. Do not give empty answers. The gatekeeper is present to screen you and will hang up if you are not allowing her to do her job. If you maintain a professional and confident demeanor, she may send you through.
Once you have your prospective buyer on the phone, the question is: Can you make the sale? This is why preparing your presentation before making the call is so important--you will know your objective and how to achieve it. Do not read from a script; you'll sound too rehearsed. Know your product, believe in it, ensure that it meets your prospective buyer's needs, and you will make the sale.
Do not take rejection to heart. Rejection in telesales is a natural occurrence because people will not always want to buy what you are selling. Look at the positive side of telesales when this occurs: You are not face-to-face with the prospective buyer. He will not recognize you if he ever sees you. Chances are the minute he hangs up the phone on you, he has already forgotten you. You should do the same. If you are selling a marketable product, you will find buyers. The reason rejections occur vary:
Some people would rather to see who they are buying from
She is simply not interested
He cannot afford it
She is in a bad mood
Whatever the reason, based on the result of your call, you can usually determine whether the prospective buyer is a "Call Back" or whether it is time to move on to the next.